FASHION ISSUE: Jay McCarroll runs his mouth about assless skirts, South Philly living and Bobby Brown's farts
Recently we had drinks with a newly svelte Jay McCarroll, Philly celeb and winner of the first season of Project Runway, at Ray's Happy Birthday Bar in South Philly to get some insight for our Spring Fashion Issue. While we were at it we also gabbed about his personal life, his stint on Celebrity Fit Club and that twat of fierceness, Christian Siriano.
On what's ahead for fashion:
Every skirts been done from the crotch to below the ankle, so I don't know what you do beyond that. I'd say maybe assless skirts, which is just like a skirt in the front and your ass hangs out in the back. I was talking to a trend forecaster of mine and she says people will be wearing paper bags over their heads if you've got a butterface.
I'm sick of looking at nerdy people. It's not sexy. Men look terrible right now. The hipsters are so gross; they just look dirty. Philly is a big hipster town, but there's a fine line because a lot of them are tattoo-y rough, which I think is sexy. But then there's this nerdy [look], like the guys who look like they would get the shit kicked out of them in high school... like a brown, ugly polyester pant, greasy hair and a big ugly glass. I'm just not into it.
I think body bags are going to be huge this spring, like being in a body bag (insert burp).
On timeless fashion rules:
Don't wear crop tops if you're fat and I hate Ugg boots: A). Because they're ugly and sloppy and lazy and B.) because they take a fucking whole sheep to make. They use the whole sheepskin and its fur. And when [girls] wear them with a ruffle-y mini skirt that makes me want to kill myself. I also hate when girls wear boys basketball shorts. Those look great on guys because you can see their dicks bouncing around but when teen girls wear them I hate it.The little black dress is stupid. That's like a Tim Gunn [tip], not my tip. Wear what you want â always. Know how to dress your body shape. Sometimes I dress like Claire Huxtable from The Cosby Show and if someone says, "You're a 35 year old man, you shouldn't be dressing like a 50 year old African Woman," I'd say, "Go fuck yourself." Wear what you want to wear. There are no rules.
CP: Will you take us thrift shopping one day and pick some stuff out for us?
JM: How much does that pay?
On music and fashion:
Music determines what tone is being set. Pete Wentz â no. You look at it now and it's just like, ew, that's so dated. In real life no one was dressing like Culture Club, but they were dressing like Madonna because they could go to the thrift store and get it. But no one can go to the thrift store and get an Alexander McQueen, reptile, rhinestone lace faced, fucking hoof shoe like Lady Gaga's trying to rock.
I've never picked up what [Rihanna] was laying down. I've always thought she was a shit face. I've heard from insiders that she's a real fucking bitch. I don't think she has any inherent style herself. Her music sucks too. Hopefully with the Lady Gaga situation, the message is to express yourself and be a freak. No one's ever said that before. Her music sucks but she's intelligent and can play an instrument and sing great, but her subject matter is shitty.
On living in South Philly:
I like Philadelphia because I'm removed. New York was awful. It's too big, too many people, and too many people looking at me at the grocery store. I hated it. Here I can be anonymous. I love Philly. It has everything a city should have but it's manageable.
South Philly is affordable. I like how rough and raw it is. I like the grittiness of it. There are great places around and it's so easy to get to South Street or the Gayborhood or Passyunk. The vibe [in South Philly] is good with the people, whether you're at the POPE, Rays Birthday Bar or the coffee shops. It's just good.
CP: Do you regret not taking the prize money when you won Project Runway?
JM: Never. I'll never, ever in a million years to the day I die regret that decision ever. Never, never, never.
On Project Runway stars:
(Burp). That's what I think about them. No, Nina [Garcia] is really nice. She's the only one that treated me like a human being. She told me to take my time and do it on my own terms. It's a vehicle for [Michael Kors], so he has his own agenda. It's great publicity for him. [Heidi Klum] is a product. She hocks everything from Light and Fit yogurt to McDonalds in Germany and hosts [Germany's] Next Top Model to Coca Cola to milk. She'll do whatever. She was nice on the show, but whatever. And Tim Gunn, I just don't get. I think if you play the game he'll really respond to you and I didn't play the game. I'm an odd ball and he's really tightly wound, so someone like me is like the antithesis of someone he can relate to. They all have agendas. They're not on TV to really help people and care and follow through.
[Christian Siriano] is the worst. Period. People come up to me and say, "Thank God you're not him." He's the opposite of me. He's a little cunt. We had much, much, much, much different experiences with [Project Runway]. We were like the guinea pigs. By the time they figured it out it was season 4 and he happened to be in the right place at the right time and then he won and you really had to step back and think. They were really positioning him to be a personality and to take that role. I just saw his collection in New York fashion week not in person but online and it's not the vision that everyone wants it to be. Tim Gunn even goes as far as saying that he's the next Marc Jacobs. And Marc Jacobs is fabulous, like a real visionary, a true visionary. And I don't think Christian is. That comes across as jealousy. But I've been looking at fashion for 20 years. I critique classes at Philadelphia University. It's a really big statement to say that Christian Siriano is the next Marc Jacobs. If anything he should just say that he's the next Christian Siriano. But, whatever. I don't like it because people come back to me and say that he's hard to work with, he's a little cunt, he's nasty and he demands a lot of money. And I just feel that it's so not the way that I am.
CP: How much weight did you lose on Celebrity Fit Club?
JM: It's a secret, but I'll tell you. I lost 800 pounds.
On Celebrity Fit Club:
They asked me five days before I had to be there and I went out to LA and got paid to lose weight while living in a fancy ass place in Hollywood. We filmed two days a week, so I had five days a week off. I just hung out and went swimming. It was nice. I got paid handsomely to do so.
I didn't have one French fry in three months, nothing; I was so good because I wanted to do it to see how far I would push myself. It was a good process. It's not ideally in my fashion career what I thought I'd be doing five years after Project Runway, but it was a good opportunity. My father got diabetes when he turned 35 and I was turning 35 on the show and I don't want to have the same fate as him.
There were only eight of us, so we bonded because we were being thrown through horseshit, literally horseshit. It was a surreal experience. I was sleeping in a room with one guy who put his dick in Whitney Houston and one guy who put his dick in Britney Spears. [Bobby Brown] was a snorer and a farter. But everybody farts, what's the difference?
CP: We've heard that you can be difficult to work with...
JM: Yeah, I'm mouthy and I'm obnoxious, and I say it like it is and if you can't handle it... Oh I hear all this information all the time. But chances are those people have never met me. Go fuck yourself, asshole [laughs].
We like American Idol. Too much.
Tommy Button: Last night Miley Cyrus crossed off "Be Mentor On American Idol" on her Things To Do Before I Can Vote list. And I crossed off "Make Fun of 17 Year Old Girl" on my Things To Do Before I Go To Bed List. I don't care how talented she is, Miley Cyrus is a terrible mentor. The only person who seemed to get anything out of mentor Miley was Katie Stevens. And I'm pretty sure Aaron Kelly got a boner.
Molly Eichel: Aaron Kelly was totally in the bone zone during his mentoring sesh, but the problem with Miley is that she has an awful voice. She's great at being a celebrity, but she's a terrible singer. Considering it was Billboard Hot 100 week, I guess it made sense to have her. Miley's only advice was to do crazy runs, "make it bigger" and "push it," which is terrible advice for a show as over indulgent as this one. The only person she could legit not to tell to go bigger was Best of the Night winner Siobhan Magnus. Her version of "Superstitious" was spot-on and it was the first time I really saw her as a contemporary artist. Love the look, too.
TB: Despite her crazy Cape persona, Siobhan brought the most to that stage tonight. Siobhan must have come up with the idea to skat while she was high. It was like she hit a mental block and thought rolling up a spliff might free up her creativity. That never works. You set out to write the great American novel and end up with an American Idol blog.
ME: If Siobhan is rocking the reefer, then Paige Miles is most certainly huffing glue. "Take a Look at Me Now"?! For fuck's sake, Phil Collins is worse than the Eagles. I know she's doing the Mariah version and all, but, sweetheart is no Mariah. Dreadful on all levels.
TB: Up to this point in my Idol viewership I have never seen something that bad in the Top 12.
ME: God, then she was followed up by the horrorshow that is Tim Urban.
TB: "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" is probably the most boring Queen song ever and in Idolville, a cop out. It's a little catchy diddy that you can polish with jazz hands and crowd schmoozing to cover up how much you suck and don't sound like Freddy Mercury. That's exactly what Tim Urban did except he did it with a crazy sociopath grin. Don't say I didn't warn you when your family is dismembered by the Urban Family.
ME: Oh my god, oh my god. What if he wins? What if the 'tween vote takes him over the top? This is just another reason how the budding sexuality of America's youth is ruining my life (the first: The career of Robert Pattinson.) If the 'tweens are gonna skew one way, I hope it's toward Aaron Kelly, whose version of "Don't Wanna Miss A Thing." I've been room temp on Aaron the entire time but he sounded great despite being sick and I know exactly what kind of artist is trying to be.
TB: When Aaron Kelly got all googley eyed over Miley Cyrus I must have smiled for the first time in a week. No shit. Of course, it's just a little celebrity crush and probably the bi-product of his repressed homosexuality, but it's so darn cute! And after the stinkers before him, it was good to see someone step up with some talent, personality and heart.
ME: And that's the problem I'm seeing with Andrew Garcia, Lee Dewyze and Casey James. No heart, no connection.
TB: But I'll rock out to Huey Lewis with Casey James. It was a little cover-bandish but then again, I'm a Bjorn Again fan.
ME: Singers like Huey Lewis don't exist anymore. At least they're not famous. And that's beginning to be a problem for Casey. Who does he want to be? This was all a little Vegas showcase, but worse because I see Casey as more down home alt country ... and because they weren't actually in Vegas and there were no titties. There are always titties in Vegas. Andrew Garcia has the same problem. He kept fighting the rhythm of the "Heard it Through the Grapevine," pumping up the horns so it was show off-y.
TB: Is it better to burn out or fade away, Andrew? With Lee, there are probably a few Nickleback fans out there with rocked boxes but Lee left my box tepid at best. Besides being not interesting, his white guy rock voice is wearing thin.
ME: It was a big risk doing "The Letter" and it didn't pay off. He couldn't make an album of music like that: First off, because it was all a lounge act. Second off, because it was not good. Didi Benami was also pretty lukewarm last night with "You're No Good" by Linda Ronstadt, which is disappointing because she did so good last week with the whole woman scorned thing.
TB: Introducing Didi Benami, Seacrest stumbled and called her Didi Ben-imi. Which if you ask me is definitely a pet name or a safe word. What I am dubbing 'Didicrest' might as well be all but confirmed by their close friends in OK! Magazine.
ME: You know who did pull it out? Katie Stevens. I'm not into the tone of her voice. But she saved herself for another couple weeks with this song. Although, I gotta disagree with Kara, Katie is too White Suburbia for R&B leanings.
TB: Katie had the cards stacked against her picking "Big Girls Don't Cry" because before she even starts singing because I know I'm gonna be annoyed. I can't believe that song was a number one. But to her credit, Katie didn't screw the pooch totally. In fact, it might have been her best so far and it's about time because the way it's looking she's going on tour. Joining her is Michael "Big Mike" Lynche. Big Mike was the classy gent he always has been except for that one time when he wasn't there for his daughter's birth. But, Ellen hit the nail on the head: It was like driving the speed limit. Maybe even five miles under.
ME: Yeah, I wasn't psyched when I heard he was doing "When a Man Love a Woman." It's all getting a little samey-samey and the arrangement aged him. But loved his outfit. Very Esquire. Still, to me, this was a second place performance.
TB: No surprises with Crystal Bowersox either. Powersox picked a Janis Joplin song. STOP THE PRESSES!! Really though, who didn't see that one coming? I love Powersox and she's clearly set herself to win this thing in a big way but tonight was not my favorite of her performances.
ME: Yeah, Powersox is on cruise control but I don't mind at all. I thought she sounded great and I love the conceit of the carpet. Except when Simon started talking about it, rugs were not the first thing I thought of. It was definitely vagina.
TB: I wasn't really waiting for her to sing this like apparently everyone else was because I already knew what it would be like. But I don't know what it would be like to hit the bong with Powersox and listen to her sing gangsta rap to me.
Going Home: Do we need to say it? Paige Miles.
Oprah has canceled her Philly hotel reservations. The Housewife Pied Piper was scheduled to be in town next week because of a defamation lawsuit filed against her by the former headmistress at her South African school for girls. Instead, Oprah settled with Nomvuyo Mzamane on undisclosed terms.
Sigh, Oprah, we were so looking forward to a chat about a solid books together, or maybe a good cry. But, whatever, we get it.
RELATED >> OMG Oprah coming to town!
|Feel free to thank us later.|
I have not seen Catch 21, hosted by Alfonso Ribeiro (aka, The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air's Carlton). It has been ages since I've seen an episode of seminal '70s game show Match Game. My only recent viewings of Password were on YouTube. I do not get to see a show that is actually titled Carnie Wilson Unstapled.
I do not have GSN: Game Show Network.
The life of a freelance writer allows me to watch a lot of game shows, and the choices on regular TV are slim: Jeopardy!, Price is Right, maybe a syndicated Millionaire. The only Family Feud host I can watch is John O'Hurley. My life is pretty rough, I know. But imagine how much better it would be if I could watch Family Feud as hosted by Gene Rayburn, Ray Combs or Richard Karn. I have, and it is a bright possible future.
I complain so much about not having Game Show Network primarily because my parents, who live in the Far Northeast (also Comcast subscribers), get GSN. They even get it on the same channel 57 I watched GSN on when it first debuted in our cable lineup when it replaced SportsChannel Philadelphia in 1997.
Look, this isn't just about my desire to watch more game shows than I already do. There is a real purpose. When I was in high school, I saw an episode of Match Game where I swear the following happened: There was a question about a fictional German man, and one of the celebrity panelists drew a swastika on his card, put it on his arm and paraded around like a Nazi. I need to watch reruns of Match Game in the hope of confirming the existence of this moment.
Not content to just stew, I actually contacted Comcast's PR department to find out why, exactly, I don't get the Game Show Network. Partway through my conversation with the company's PR department, I got this bombshell news: As part of ongoing Comcast upgrades, Center City Comcast customers will have Game Show Network next month! Did you hear that? That's the sound of yours truly effecting more positive change for Philadelphia with this article than I ever have before.
A Comcast PR person explained: Thanks to Comcast's series of acquisitions of former cable companies (and probably demographic reasons), parts of the city have slightly different channel line-ups. Comcast's ongoing "World of More" upgrade is phasing out analog signals for all but a handful of channels. This upgrade, also hilariously called "xfinitizing" an area, recently gave Comcast's customers in Center City a block of HD channels in the 800s. Sadly, my parents don't get to watch Kendra in HD. They're crushed. Comcast will be rolling (xfinitizing?) out 35 to 53 new HD channels to customers sometime soon.
But most importantly, we'll be getting Game Show Network. Comcast hasn't made me this happy since the 2001 Sixers.
Top left: Amy, Maya, Seth Aaron, Jay
We're left now with only eight designers half of what we began with and there's still no blood. No major catfights, no name-calling or hair-pulling, and no one's hand was forced through a sewing machine by an opponent. It's just been weeks of sewing, bitching and Tim Gunn.
The latest competition, in which designers were grouped into teams of two, felt like the perfect set-up for them to hate on each other. Doc Gunn told the pie-eyed babies that New York City would be the source of inspiration for this challenge. Right, because this has never been done before and it's not entirely vague and tired. What a lazy-ass assignment. Are the ProjRun writers just circle-jerking now? Are they really saying, "Well, how about we do something so totally wild? Let's make them use New York City as an inspiration! And to add an M. Night Shyamalan-sized twist, we'll make them pair off and assign each group a neighborhood. Yeah, then since each designer has their own model, we need two outfits per team. A day look and a night look! It'll be perfect!"
Pure genius, guys.
And thanks to these masterminds, we were given yet another episode that didn't end with Mila leaving the show. Very little stands between her and Bryant Park, and this makes me nervous.
Team leaders were picked from a hat and the responsibility was handed down to Anthony (who chose Maya as his partner), Amy (who picked Jonathan, duh) and Emilio (who strategically picked Seth Aaron because shock of shocks he's not a huge fan of Mila). This left Jay with the color blocker.
Anthony and Maya went to Chinatown for their day and night look. Inspired by paper dragons lining the shop windows, the two made a plunging neckline mini dress that was adorned with origami style diamonds crossing the body like a vine. The structure was killer, but sadly, the color palate was dull as piss. The beige origami looked like cardboard pieces. It was like the dress was decorated with those separators that are inside every case of beer. The day design was cut out sleeves on a classy jacket that was tailored to echo the pagoda shape without replicating it. This outfit also had a dark skirt that had two simple red details that lit up the entire piece.
The winners of the challenge were Emilio and pal Seth Aaron, who went to Harlem to pick up some inspiration. There they found lots of denim and boatloads of color. Naturally, Seth Aaron turned this into an over-worked (but impeccably tailored) jacket with high waisted jeans made from dark denim. Seth must have got a Scottish or Irish impression from Harlem (understandably, right?) because he decided to throw a bagpipe on the noggin of his model. For the team's night look, Emilio wanted to do old school, classy Harlem, like Billie Holiday. It didn't work. I'm thinking that Lady Day would never have worn a black, wrinkly, bomber-jacket-material gown with a gold zipper up the center. Just a guess, though. But it was these two doofuses that won the challenge. Fair enough, there wasn't anything better.
The bottom two teams were pathetic. Jay and Mila went to the East Village and came out with a mish mash of trash. Jay made eccentric grey pants that were more or less blah, and a black and red tank top that was, um, a tank top. He couldn't even do that well. It was so sloppy and ill-fitting that the model's lady lumps (that means boobs, right? I was never sure) were "floating around in there," as Heidi put it. Let's take this chance to blame Mila for Jay's mishap. Had he not been forced to work with that she-devil, he would not have been so clumsy in his sewing. The judges loved Mila's evening look. But why? I demand to know. I'm sick and tired of her getting away with this bullshit every single week. All she does is color block. And she only uses two colors. For anyone who missed last night's episode: you can already guess what her outfit looked like. Now just a pair of red tights and you've got Mila's latest masterpiece.
Perusing the streets of the Upper East Side and checking out the swanky architecture were sweetest buddies ever, Jonathan and Amy. Their adorable camaraderie made it more difficult to see Amy hit the road at the end of the episode. The two over designed and lost out in the end. Jonathan's cut-away handiwork was something to be admired, but the sheer flesh and charcoal colored dress was too fussy. The team mentioned that they wanted to make a shirt dress to represent the high end snobbery of Manhattan's ritziest neighborhood. Instead of something simple and flattering, Amy made a peachy, pleated mess. The saddest moments came with Jonathan's tearful goodbye to his friend. Then his tearful confession booth monologue about her amazing personality. Then the shots of Jonathan wiping away tears and trying to be happy.
Jonathan, you're great, but it's time to sack up. She was, after all, your competition.
A screen grab of last night's 30 Rock courtesy of New York Times writer David Itzkoff's Twitpic. If only Kabletown really existed. So who is down for a viewing of Horny with a Chance of My Balls?
Speaking of Comcast (that would be the real Kabletown for anti-30 Rockers), the FCC has put out it's public notice about the Philly-based cable giant's acquisition of NBC. If you want to complain about it, comments or petitions to deny are due May 3.
Watch the full episode (which includes Esquire covergirl Tina Fey spewing Philly cliches) below:
RELATED >> 30 Rock takes on the Comcast buy-out
We pity the fool who doesn't go to this Friday's Soul Food Cinema courtesy of the fine folks at Reel Black. This month's offering is Death Drug, featuring Phillip Michael Thomas, aka Tubbs from Miami Vice as a musician addicted to PCP. Check out his supermarket drug freakout. "Don't you see it! Don't you see it!"
Reel Black's going old school and playing the movie on the 1986 VHS re-release, with an intro by Tubbs AND a break in the middle of the movie for the music video of Thomas' single "Just the Way I Planned It." Check out the lasers!
But that ain't all. Accompanying the classic Death Drug is Mr. T's anti-drug promo video Be Somebody or Be Somebody's Fool. Go or Clubber Lang will fuck you up and tell you not to do drugs.
For all your repertory film needs, check out citypaper.net/repfilm
Soul Food Cinema, Fri., March 19, 7 p.m., free with purchase of Soul Food Friday meal ($10.50 and up), The Point of Destination Cafe, 6460 Greene St., 215-849-7771, reelblack.com.
Diplo and Al Bundy: A match made in heaven.
Thank you for this avoidantconsumer. A million times thank you.
We like American Idol. Too much.
Molly Eichel: Ding dong the witch is dead. Sorry, Lacey, I've been gunning for you since the beginning, and you should know that crazy-dyed 'do girls (save Allison Iraheta and Nikki McKibben) tend to fall out faster than over-bleached hair. There's always one, and none of them have taken home the big prize.
TB: It's really not a big deal. We're at the point in the competition where for the next four to five weeks there are always going to be at least two people who should go home. Every single person in the bottom three this week (Lacey, Paige Miles, Tim Urban) deserved to go home but Lacey Brown just happened to be the first to have her luck run out.
ME: I disagree, I still think Paige has some miles left in her (rimshot!). I think she needs one spectacular performance and she's back in the game. Can she pull it off? Probably not. Will I enjoy seeing her fail? Immensely.
TB: Do I think Tim Urban deserved the boot more? Fuck yes. But his time will come.
TB: What's more important is who are the Lacey Brown voters gunna pull for now? Maybe they'll save Didi Benami from obscurity or just hop on the Powersox bandwagon.
ME: I think they'll go safe with someone like Katie Stevens who deserves the boot just as much as Tim does. What do you think Idol Handsies?
We like American Idol. Too much.
Molly Eichel: Clearly when i think processed pop star a la Idol, I think the Rolling Stones, who were this week's theme because Exile on Main Street is super old, or something. God, the Stones will do anything to make a buck. Although, it forces a lot of the contestants to change up the arrangement.
Tommy Button: Girls were able to sex it up more than the guys were which is why they were able to keep their heads above water. Makes sense though. The closest person on that stage resembling Mick Jagger was Didi Benami.
ME: Didi was on last night with "Play with Fire." Loved the arrangement, loved the 'tude. great performance. She looked like she was about to cut a bitch during that song.
TB: When Didi is safe this week it won't just be because America has a strong affinity for pretty white girls. She was actually, pretty good. And Seacrest went for the shoulder grab this time!!! BARE shoulder grab!!! Then, after the song, Seacrest touched the lower back.
ME: Seacrest: What a stud. You're right, T-Bone, they're so in love. But tonight, I really feel in love with Siobhan Magnus, who did a crazy good version of "Paint it Black," complete with ending banshee wail. The arrangement was over the top, the screaming was indulgent, but she's so weird it fit. Also: Love the new look.
TB: I was onboard till that squeal at the end. I'm sure she was just trying to make a moment or some bullshit like that but seriously, it was a little too much. I really want to like Siobhan but every time she opens her mouth I become the most uncomfortable I've ever been around a person in my TV before. I've only spent a weekend in Cape Cod before, maybe that's what people there are just like.
ME: The only boy I really felt earned his salt was Aaron Kelly doing "Angie," an overwrought song that I love unapologetically. At first, I was annoyed Aaron chose it, but he made it into a nice little country ballad. Along with Didi, Siobahn and Powersox, Aaron was the only person who really made the Stones his own. Still, I wish this had gone Also: Why hasn't it been brought up that Aaron Kelly's mom is named KELLY KELLY. I didn't think that actually happened!
TB: Pretty sure Ellen pointed this out, but Aaron is turning into more and more of a lesbian with each week. That said, Aaron was pretty good but I don't think he gets to go home as the best guy of the night. I'll hand it to him, hes giving it his all trying to come out of that shell or closet or whatever but his performance was off. Every time he gets on stage I feel like he's reaching big and just coming up short. I don't think it was any better than Casey James, and that was just so-so. But you gotta give Casey some slack, apparently he's part r-word. That's what his mom says anyway.
ME: Depsite his mom's claims of brain damage, I wasn't feeling Casey last night. It was a pretty contrived version of "It's All Over Now" and he coulda done better with something like "Angie" or even a Seger-esque rock out to "It's Only Rock 'n' Roll." Kara praised his soul, but I thought that was rather soulless. He wasn't the worst of the night. That clearly goes to Tim Urban. "Under My Thumb" is not some lovey-dovey song. It's a vengeful song full of bile. It just doesn't sound like it. So good job Tim Urban for ruining the rhythm and melody of one of the best songs ever written. For the record, I no longer thing Tim is cute. Sigh, where is Alex Lambert?!
TB: We totally agree on worst. Pussy cover of a kick ass song. No girl will ever be under Tim Urban's thumb unless he's stabbing her to death. That smile is one of a sociopath. And the way he laughs when he gets upset. Tell me that kid is not crazy.
ME: I'm also going to continue to hate on Lacey Brown for giving the Tim Urban pussy treatment to "Ruby Tuesday." She took all of the sadness out of this song, especially in second verse and at the end of the chorus. Her outfit was atrocious. She needs to pray to Jesus for a miracle, or at least to be more than a subpar Nikki McKibben.
TB: Good thing I finished my cigarette before that was over otherwise I would have put it out on myself just to distract me.
ME: Then there's a sea of mediocrity to wade through: Big Mike doesn't know how to move onstage and that's becoming a problem.
TB: If he didn't run around everywhere like a cat with it's head in a bag he might be able to hold some better notes. I always want Andrew Garcia to be good, but he's never as good as I want.
ME: Just like I want Paige Miles to stop pretending she has white girl voice and let it loose. I think Paige needs a good ol' fashioned banging and she'll loosen up. Katie Stevens, on the other hand, could get fucked two way from Sunday and she'd still wouldn't be able to connect to a song.
TB: Katie should be watching this episode on the family TV in Connecticut. She took what might be her last shot and just kind of dabbled around. Just like Lee Dewyze. As far as lame guys go, Lee Dewyze is cream of the crop. Take that which ever way you'd like.
ME: I didn't think it was possible to take all of the sex out of "Beast of Burden," but it's apparently possible. Then there's our girl Powersox, who did "You Can't Always Get What You Want." See, this is why she's so good: She changed the arrangment she retained the song's structure.
TB: It gets rough every week trying to come up with other things to talk about regarding Powersox besides how awesome she is.
Chopping block: Paige Miles. It should be Katie but she's younger than Paige, with a bigger fanbase. With Lilly Scott gone, the vote will swing toward Crystal and Didi. leaving Pagie in the dust. Sayonara, sweetheart.
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