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TV
Pop culture critic Diana Palmieri wraps up the shenanigans from last night's episode of Jersey Shore. Have they broken Italy yet?
Last night’s episode of Jersey Shore harbored on relationships: Pauly and Deena, Mike and Snooki, Sam and Ronnie, Deena and Italian cobblestone. While at the fire-bar discoteca, Deena tries to woo Pauly with her tongue. While he seems to enjoy (tolerate) it, he admits that he doesn’t want to toy with Deena’s feelings. Snooki, quoting the immortal words of Dr. Ruth, advises Pauly, “Just fuck Deena, please.” Although Pauly admits to Snooki that he “probably will,” it just wasn’t the night. After taking a dive on the way home and once in their house, Deena forgets her troubles and plays with a string Pinnochio.
The next day, the girls decide to be useful and attempt making Sunday dinner. Sammi, who can’t decipher the smell of garlic, proclaims, “I’m gonna make my own concoction.” Soup made of tears? After they’ve breaded some chicken cutlets and loaded the dishwasher, they eat … out at a café. When the girls are gone, the camera zooms in on a pile of suds leaking out of the dishwasher. It is overflowing, and horrid images from last season's shit-clogged toilet come to the mind. But never fear! This time it is filled with soap and all is right in the world. Or at least a ilttle more sanitary.
When Vinny receives a sketchy phone call from a man named Marco, he realizes he is speaking to this season’s Shore Store owner. The gang heads over to a pizzeria, where they will be working while in Italy. After a demonstration from Snooki, Ronnie assesses that if she can do it, surely they can.
Man Cave is a testosterone-laden Monday feature that highlights the weekend haps of an everyday, pop-culture-loving Philly dude.
On every Thursday, the FX channel's Louie — an avant-garde sitcom by comedian Louis CK — is in the middle of its second season. If you haven't seen any of the new batch yet, it's just as good as ever. One episode in particular, "Moving" (Episode 3 on Hulu) is perhaps one of the funniest yet.
Centered around Louie looking for a new home for him and his two girls, it starts off with the traditional minute-and-a-half of standup at the Comedy Cellar. From there the story begins: Louis is moving a desk in the home he still shares with his ex-wife, his daughter hilariously chides him for doing something that would tick the ex-wife off and suddenly he's out in search for a new place to live.
After some funny fails with real estate agents, he ends up being shown a luxurious (and obviously unaffordable) penthouse. He marvels at home and daydreams about how great of a dad he'd' be if he bought it. The price is $17 million. Cut to a hilarious scene with his accountant, in which he's brought back down to reality.
Episode 7 is a somewhat historical moment in modern comedy. Louis' daughter is a big Lady Gaga fan, and he wants to get her tickets for her birthday. Louis meets with Dane Cook, who shares a promoter with Gaga, asking if he can help get tickets. Dane and Louis proceed to have a heart-to-heart about the 2006 blog-fueled mini-scandal which accused Dane of joke-thievery. Both men share their point of view. I won't describe it further. It will be more enriching for you to watch it first hand, embedded below.
View galleryPop culture queen Diana Palmieri returns with her weekly commentary on the latest episode of the Jersey Shore.
After three seasons of watching them smush, cry, tan, clog toilets, churn out T-shirt-worthy catchphrases, work out, and rid Sammi of any remaining self respect, the Jersey Shore cast packed up their rosaries and Ron-Ron Juice to take their business to Italy. Because why not further hone in that whole “Ugly American” thing?
While I’m sure they were tempted, MTV producers could have easily created one season around the cast gearing up for Italy, and another devoted to the guidos actually being there. The first few minutes of the new season depicts the cast showing their excitement for venturing to the mother land with preparations of passport photos. Snooki needs a stool to boost her up for the picture, Ronnie gets alarmingly close to the camera while visibly restraining himself not to break it, and Pauly busts out so many hand gestures that I was expecting him to shout, “Its morphin’ time!” like any true Power Ranger.
The night before their trip, the boys (and by boys, I mean two twenty-somethings and two 30-year-olds) camp out at Casa di Vinny, where Vinny’s mom feeds and covers them before they go to sleep. Ronnie tells the guys that "single" Ronnie will be out to play in Italy. He says “No more being a bitch”, but what he really means is “I’ll just be calling Sam one.” We’re also treated to language and geography lessons along the way. Snooki informs audiences that Europe may or may not be a country, Deena lets us know that “gracias” means “thank you” in Italian, and Vinny’s uncle gives the guys essential Italian phrases — like how to translate, “Are you ready to fuck?”
Christopher Seybert dishes on the week's best and worst moments in daytime talk.
New Line of Paperweights
When you’re a judge on America’s No. 1 summer show, co-hosting a successful talk show and managing the career of rock royalty, something’s gotta give. But who knew that for Sharon Osbourne that something would be her breast implants.
When Osbourne appeared on Chelsea Lately Monday, she revealed that, in addition to taking time off from The Talk this fall, she will also be having her breast implants, or as she calls them the “waterbeds” on her chest, removed. Sharon has admitted to having over $300,000-worth of plastic surgery done, so instead of tossing her implants (aka throwing money out the window), she plans on having them made into paperweights for Ozzy. That’s one unique way to go green!
The 2010 BBC sitcom Whites is available as a Hulu exclusive, with new (to us) episodes coming every Wednesday. The comedy stars Alan Davies (executive chef of a fancy British hotel), Darren Boyd (the ambitious sous chef) and The IT Crowd's Katherine Parkinson (the restaurant manager). This somewhat dark comedy is probably too dry and slowbuilding to catch on over here as a web exclusive. But if you have the spare attention span, it's worth checking out. There are only a handful of characters so you don't have the learning curve of big ensembles like The Office. The dialogue is witty and usually realistic.
The first two episodes are currently on Hulu, with new ones being released every Wednesday. There are very few secondary characters, like Kiki (the impossibly unintelligent waitress) or Skous (the sous chef's eager assistant).
Christopher Seybert dishes on the week's best and worst moments in daytime talk.
Kelly’s Jerseylicious New Gig
Kelly Ripa has made her Berlin, New Jersey (Camden County) roots no secret with her undying love of big hair, tan skin and the Shore all being dead giveaways of her home state. And while her appearance may have changed slightly, her Jersey girl persona is ever-present and was put on full display when she returned to the Garden State this week.
As a part of Live! with Regis and Kelly’s “Do It Week” Regis and Kelly have been appearing on reality television shows to learn different jobs from the experts. On Wednesday, Kelly went down to the Gatsby Salon in Greenbrook, New Jersey to get hair and makeup tips from the cast of Jerseylicious. By the end of the day she mastered the smokey eye and washing and teasing hair. Maybe now she’ll retire with Regis in November and open her very own salon.
Christopher Seybert dishes on the week's best and worst moments in daytime talk.
Everyone Wants a Piece of Letterman
We’ve all heard the idiom “Lightning doesn’t strike twice,” but is that really true? If David Letterman’s week means anything, then that saying is the furthest thing from the truth. On Sunday night, Jimmy Whittemore, an intoxicated 22-year-old, broke into the Ed Sullivan Theater where Late Show with David Letterman is taped and caused $5,000 worth of damages. Whittemore was arrested and charged with burglary in the third degree and criminal mischief in the second degree. Letterman joked Monday that Jay Leno had an alibi, but did he have one on Wednesday?A
And if that wasn't enough, the Ed Sullivan Theater was host to another crime scene Wednesday night when 42-year-old Alvin Moore used a newspaper stand to break into the studio’s lobby, causing $1,500 in damages. A coincidence? A sign of the apocalypse? A taste of karma for Dave being in Oprah’s dog house for so long? Nope, Moore was admittedly just an attention-seeker looking for his 15 minutes. Wouldn’t sleeping with a Kardashian have been a lot easier?
I was 13 in 1995, living in New York, watching the Knicks in the playoffs. The game was interrupted to show an aerial view of a white Ford Bronco driving down a highway. Borrring!! Little did I know that during the next year or two, the most popular thing for adults to put on TV was going to be a trial. I was soon to learn the real meaning of boring. Those particular proceedings meant nothing to me, because I didn't know (or care) about O.J. Simpson.
Now I turn on the TV and I see Casey Anthony. Another individual who means nothing to me, and I have to wonder why is she on TV? Quite frankly, for a few days leading up to Fourth of July, Anthony was the news.
And yet she wasn't. She was ON the news but everybody knows that she wasn't news. "Massive Dust Storm Envelops Phoenix" is news. "President Obama Signs a Such and Such" is news. Casey Anthony is reality TV. It's rubbernecking on some trial with one or two unusual lies — enough to really only get a handful of people curious about it. But all it would take is six or seven people in Center City standing and pointing at Love Park to make you go, "Hey, what's going on over there, I should check it out." And then you get there and say, "Oh, that? Who gives a ****?" but it's too late because nothing draws a crowd like a crowd.
Christopher Seybert dishes on the week's best and worst moments in daytime talk.
From Doctor Ken to Hollywood’s Top Comedian
After spending all that money and time on college, you'd hope that it'd be the bridge between you and your dream job. Especially if college for you included four years of undergrad, four years of med school and three years of residency. But sometimes you realize that you have a different dream, as was the case with the hysterical comedic actor Ken Jeong.
Ken, who has been in Knocked Up, The Hangover, The Hangover Part II and most recently Transformers: Dark of the Moon danced onto Live! with Regis and Kelly Wednesday and talked about his unconventional rise to fame. He went from being a successful doctor to doing improv in L.A., where he talked about some of his doctor duties — like the hilarity of prostate exams — as a part of his act. And now, even after a stretch of hit films, he still has his medical license. But the advantage of being an actor over a doctor is that he can do it nude (hence his famous Hangover appearance)!
Christopher Seybert dishes on the week's best and worst moments in daytime talk.
Gene Eats His Words
When Gene Simmons appeared on The Talk Monday, the tension on set was undeniable. That’s because when his reality show, Gene Simmons Family Jewels, premiered in 2006, he was asked if it resembled The Osbournes, to which he responded, “No, ’cause my kids aren’t on drugs.” This sparked a war of words over the years between Simmons and The Talk’s only likeable co-host (besides Leah Remini, that’s a given), Sharon Osbourne.
Sharon confronted KISS’ lead singer live on the air, and he used his famous tongue to eat his words and backtrack. He said that he didn’t remember saying those things, but if he did, he was sorry. An apology was all Sharon wanted and that’s exactly what she got. Maybe this reconciliation could result in a cross-over show with the two legendary rock families…KISSing Sharon’s Jewels, anyone?
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