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HOW TO: Pickle, the lazy way
Confession: I hate pickles. I know, I know. It's unfathomable.
HOW TO: Pickle, the lazy way
Confession: I hate pickles. I know, I know. It's unfathomable.
"How can you hate pickles?!" people shout incredulously when I say this, as if pickles are puppies or hundred-dollar bills. Then their eyes roll in the back or their head and they make blowjobby noises as they tell me how wonderful pickles are. Please stop, all of you.
It’s a strange phobia, I know. Especially since I've always loved vinegar, the ingredient that makes pickles. And I have no beef with pickled vegetables. It's just the actual cucumber pickles that sent me screaming as a kid. My parents used to tell pimply chain-restaurant servers I was allergic — yep, I was one of those — so they wouldn’t lay a spear on my platter of chicken fingers or cheeseburger. Otherwise the queasy-green pickle juice would run and trickle, eventually sopped up by (and ruining) my bun or fries.
Because I treated pickles like lepers for most of my life, I never got to know the different kinds, and eventually I realized that it was only the traditional Jewish deli cukes I couldn’t handle. All that garlic and dill — blech. Sweet little bread-and-butters, those I can do. I even make my own, using a recipe I imagine as a lazy man's approximation of how serious urban homesteaders do it. Scoop a couple hinged glass jars (dirt-cheap at Ikea) and a gallon of vinegar; it’s pickling season.
Lazy Lemon/Lime Bread and Butter Pickles
Go Get This:
- 2 lbs fresh gherkins (or other cucumber)
- 4 cups vinegar (I liked to use 2 parts cider and 1 part each Champange and sherry)
- 1 cup warm water
- 2 cups sugar
- 2 cups salt
- 1 lemon, thinly sliced
- 1 lime thinly sliced
- 1 Thai chili, halved
- 6 bay leaves
- 1 cinnamon stick
- 1 tbsp. each whole coriander, cumin, fennel seed, black peppercorns, clove, allspice
Now Do This:
First, cut the cucumbers into thin coins and reserve.
Then, make the brine. Add the salt and sugar to the bottom of the jar and pour the warm water over to dissolve. (Most proper pickling recipes will have you simmer and cool the brine in a pot. Who has the time?) Then add the spices, citrus, chili and vinegar, close the lid and shake to combine. Add the cucumbers, close the jar and chill in the fridge. Quick pickles will be ready in an hour, but of course, they get better the longer they hang out.
Photo: Adam Erace
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