Inside the Oscar Mayer Wienermobile
As a red-blooded tubesteak fanatic with more than 27 years of hot dog-eating experience on my CV, I nearly convulsed in exultation when I was offered a chance to put my whole body inside the most iconic wiener in this great country's history.
Inside the Oscar Mayer Wienermobile
Screw your stupid Ford Mustang — the Oscar Mayer Wienermobile, is, without question, America's vehicle. That's why I, a red-blooded tubesteak fanatic with more than 27 years of hot dog-eating experience on my CV, nearly convulsed with exultation when I was offered a chance to put my whole body inside the most iconic wiener in this great country's history. (This idiot has sullied the name. FOR SHAME.)
Operated by a crew of enthusiastic college graduates known as The Hotdoggers (more than 1,200 people apply each year for one of just a dozen coveted spots), Wienermobiles have been cross-hatching the country on a promotional tour celebrating the 75th anniversary of the four-wheeled meat beast. (Today in Philly, they teamed up with Hawk Krall to hand out free dogs to 1,000 people at 15th and Market.) Wheelman Dylan "Dy-licious" Hackbarth, who went so far as to defer his acceptance to a Johns Hopkins grad program to drive the Wienermobile this summer, and fellow Hotdogger "Ketchup" Kylie Hodges took Serious Eats' Caroline Russock and I on a quick spin around Center City. Most Philly pedestrian onlookers grinned and waved at us; a select few made scowly, confused expressions when faced with the glorious gleaming cyilnder. (WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE SMILE IT'S THE FREAKING WIENERMOBILE)
The Wienermobile itself is 60 hot dogs long (27 feet), weighs the equivalent of 140,000 hot dogs (seven tons) and has got some serious pickup — underneath the hood (wherever that is, not sure), they're rocking a 350-horsepower V8 engine. Those figures alone were enough to sate my childlike wiener wonderment, but Hotdoggers Hackbarth and Hodges made the experience even better by working an incessant barrage of terrible/amazing hot dog puns into customary conversation. My passenger's seat perch? Shotbun. What you should always buckle before a ride? Your meatbelt. The prestigious school from which they matriculated? Hot Dog High. Though racked with disappointment that I never applied to become a Hotdogger back when I finished college, I still relished every moment.
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