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WEEKLY CANDY: Mamba Funny Fruity Gummies
Mamba brand fruit chews, which have always seemed so demure and humorless when compared to Now and Laters or Jolly Rancher Fruit Chews, now come in "Funny Fruit Gummy" form.
WEEKLY CANDY: Mamba Funny Fruity Gummies
Once a week, Team Meal Ticket shares its latest sugar-laten fixations. Do not tell our dentist.
IN QUESTION: Mamba brand fruit chews, which have always seemed so staid and humorless when compared to the zestier Now and Laters or Jolly Rancher Fruit Chews, now come in "Funny Fruit Gummy" form (made with real fruit juice!). I have absolutely no objections to the broadening of the Mamba market, but I must object to the practice of anything, candy or otherwise, self-identifying as "funny." It's obnoxious, just like the girl you went to high school with who constantly described herself as "superrrrr sarcastic." You can't call yourself sarcastic! And you can't call yourself funny, either. This is solid advice, Mamba Funny Fruit Gummies.
WHERE TO BUY: The 7-Eleven at 11th and Washington, which is in a heated race with the 7-Eleven at 10th and Snyder and the Wawa in Chinatown in the "most overtly crazy people outside every time we visit" competition.
MANY DO WE TYPICALLY EAT IN ONE SITTING: I made about a 25 percent dent in this bag before handing them off to CP arts editor and fellow candy enthusiast Carolyn Huckabay — they've got the consistency of grandpa-friendly old-school gummy candy (softer than gummi bears or worms), but they're so incredibly sweet that I started twitching afer like two oranges, three raspberries and maybe a few watermelons and cherries. OK maybe I shouldn't have eaten so much so fast.
FINER POINTS: Perhaps I have a higher tolerance for sour stuff than some people, but it really irks me when candy is emblazoned with a bold "SOUR!!!" declaration and then is not even remotely sour. These jawns are saccharine as hell, quit lying bag!
Photos: Drew Lazor
Could you do a special edition Weekly Candy that lists candies advertised as sour that are actually sour?— jreyes
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