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Don't Front: Scrunchy Marshmallow Dreams
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Don't Front: Scrunchy Marshmallow Dreams
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| Photo | Drew Lazor |
Don't Front is a new occasional Meal Ticket feature in which I explain to you why you should not hate on the many terrible food items I enjoy.
Scrunchy Marshmallow Dreams (SMD) is generic-ass Lucky Charms from ShopRite. I'm going to go to bat for Brand X here by listing a few reasons why I believe this cereal is vastly superior to its General Mills counterpart:
- SMD is something like $2.50 to $3 cheaper than Lucky Charms.
- This is purely anecdotal, but I feel as though the marshmallow-to-oat ratio in SMD is much higher than in Lucky Charms. There's nothing worse than a bowl full of soggy-ass sugar-coated oat pieces with no mallow accompaniment because you ate all the rainbows and pots of gold and whatnot at the outset.
- Note the shape of SMD's oat piece � it's a five-point star, meaning there is plenty of sharp surface area that aids in the collection of marshmallows with each spoonful. Lucky Charms' oat pieces, on the other hand, are shaped like the letter X, Jesus fish, etc. � the GM cereal engineers clearly didn't think this shit through. The large-brained geniuses behind SMD simply improved on a flawed original model.
- SMD has a hot air balloon-shaped marshmallow, which reminds me of this and therefore it is better than Lucky Charms.
- The Irish Leprechauns make me uneasy, so the fact that SMD's mascot is a stoned-looking bear is comforting.
- IT'S CALLED SCRUNCHY MARSHMALLOW DREAMS Y'ALL
Scrunchy Cocoa Treats (Cocoa Puffs knockoff) FTW! Their Honey Nut Cheerios knockoff is also great.
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