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Infuriating Brewers: A guide to beer cocktails
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Infuriating Brewers: A guide to beer cocktails
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| Black Velvet |
| via The Greasy Spoon |
Back in the day, before SEPTA rehabbed the Market-Frankford El line and added the animatronic voice-lady, you had to stick your head out the window and see what was coming up to judge your stop. At least that's what my sister says — she used to take the El from 69th Street in Upper Darby to West Philly to see hardcore shows at the old Stalag 13. She also went (just a decade underage, *ahem*) to The New Angle, a bar built in the 1800s at 39th and Lancaster Avenues.
Though the New Angle's sturdy stone facade once signified a pub where the landed gentry of green West Philadelphia would gather, by the '90s the joint had become the watering hole of choice for the impoverished hardcore bands and allowance-funded kids headed to the Stalag. To wit, the New Angle kept that venerable malt beverage, Old English "800," on tap. Yes, that's right, ON TAP. This made it terribly convenient to order a Brass Monkey, the orange juice and Old E intoxicant made famous by the Beastie Boys.
At my age, I'd rather drink a shot dribbled out of the bar mat than anything based on Old E. That funky monkey did get me thinking about beer cocktails, though. A great beer is the product of hundreds of hours of effort on the part of the brewer, refining recipes, adjusting temperatures, striving to create balance, clarity and a big 'ol head. Blending beer with other ingredients — juice, hard alcohol, or other beers — is slap in the face to the hard-working brewer. Bitch-slap, boys! Here are my faves.
Black Velvet: Equal parts Guinness stout and Champagne. Though likely to enrage both Guinness and Champagne purists, this is the elemental brunch drink. If you're into the local beer thing, Sly Fox Dry Stout makes a winning substitution for Irish suds.
Scalded Peach: Three parts Scaldis (bronze, high-octane Belgian ale) topped with one part Lindeman's Peche. Scaldis is well-known for being a booze bomb at 12 percent ABV, while the Lindeman's fruit beers barely qualify as alcohol. Mixing the two up softens the Scaldis burn with a friendly dose of peach and a little extra fizz. Serve in a champagne flute and quaff, pinky out.
Dirty Hoe: One of the original Belgian beer cocktails, this is tastiest served from the tap. Three parts Hoegaarden wheat beer is topped with one part Lindeman's Framboise, and the resulting pink drink is the perfect beverage to convert non-beer drinkers. Very popular with the ladies, despite the rude name.
Skip and Go Naked: Originating in the frat houses of yore, this sounds disgusting but is shockingly palatable. The original recipe calls for beer (light lager preferred), gin, lemon juice and grenadine, mixed in quantity in a clean trash can with a ski pole. Modern variants seem to veer more toward a beer, vodka and lemonade recipe; any and all variations generally lead to nights you won't be able to tell your kids about.
Michelada: A Mexican hot-weather treat, this translates to "frozen beer" and is a lighter take on drinking. Pale-colored lager (Pacifico, Corona) is blended with sangrita, a tomato juice spiked with fresh lemon, lime and orange juices and hot chili powder, and poured over ice. Very nice on the porch during sweaty Philly summers.
Snakebite: Equal parts hard cider and beer. I don't know why anyone drinks this. It's the perfect example of why civilians should never blend beers.
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