POSTED: Monday, August 30, 2010, 11:32 PM
Filed Under: Food TV |
Top Chef
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| "I'm sure you get this all the time, Chris, but the episode where Fred Savage was the
sociopath serial rapist? TO DIE!" |
I would like to apologize for the inexcusable lateness of this recap. As much as I would like to say that I was waiting till now to post because I wanted to see if
Top Chef would win at last night's Emmy Awards (
they did, and Padma looked transcendently soiree-appointed!), the truth of the matter is that I have a drinking problem and have been hitting the
Bulleit supersupersuper hard since Thursday, leaving little time for cognitive thought. Which, of course is a great segue into our discussion of HOW AWESOME THIS PICTURE OF
PADMA SHAKING HANDS WITH
CHRIS MELONI IS. I love you and all,
Mariska Hargitay, but if
Law and Order SVU revamped and started featuring Padma using her palate to solve especially heinous sexually based offenses alongside Detective Elliott Stabler, all other TV would just have to pack up and quit because that shit would be the pinnacle. Consider it, NBC.
We already know Padz's acting game is strong.
I also really love this photo of Padma and Gail adorably popping up out of the Emmy crowd on some
Meerkat Manor shit.
There's also this post-ceremony pic, where it appears that they gave Emmy statuettes to Padma and
Tom C. but not Gail, forcing her to sheepishly grasp the bottom of Colicchio's to prove that she is involved with the show. The fuck, Emmys!? Give that lady a trophy! What do you make of this egregious mistreatment, Gail?
OH GREAT YOU CAUSED GROSSED-OUT GAIL FACE. I hope you're happy, Academy of Television Arts & Sciences. Dicks.
Lame, I guess we have to talk about the stupid
Top Chef episode now.
Quickfire: Chef
Rick Moonen shows up with Episode 11's QF challenge — cooking dishes based around well-heeled food idioms.
Ed, for example, gets "hot potato" and does potato gnocchi;
Jersey Kev pulls "bring home the bacon" and preps it three ways;
Amanda gets "the big cheese" and does a mac and cheese with a side of pork chop (a SIDE of pork chop! that is a damn good idea). At the bottom:
Kelly, whose chicken dish "didn't sing," according to Moonen (isn't it us uncreative food writers who are supposed to say shit like that, and not chefs?) and Amanda, whose dish he describes as "a sledgehammer to the gut" (whatever, I would've totally geeked out on your side of pork chop, girl!). At the top: the aforementioned Jersey Kev and Ed, both doing big things in the past few episodes. Though Moonen admits he wants to lick Jersey Kev's plate, he gives the W to Ed, who early in the episode is pictured wearing
Tiffany's yellow Patty and Thelma dress. (Be thankful I don't have a screenshot of that shit handy.)
Two other notes of interest:
Angelo readily admits that as a child, he cut out pictures of four-star chefs and constructed a candlelit altar where he would pray to them (?!?!!!?!???!), and you should check back here shortly for
Adam Erace's Top Chef Not So Quickfire challenge based around idioms.
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| "We're completely screwed now that Strasburg's out, so I say we just stay up here and
eat fusion empanadas or whatever the fuck these are until the bottom of the seventh." |
Elimination: The remaining cheftestants head to
Nationals Park, where they must cook an appetizer tensile enough to replace the shot-to-shit ligament in
rookie phenom Stephen Strasberg's pitching arm. Angelo prepares a hoisin-glazed spare rib that he characterizes are "sexy as all getout." Actually the challenge is cooking high-end concession stand food, but I think my made-up challenge is more topical. The six chefs are asked to work as a team, which leads to some friction between Angelo and Jersey Kev,
who's a new dad. (Life Rule of Thumb: Any time you tell someone to "chill out," they will automatically do the opposite of chill out.)
How uncomfortable does
Eric Ripert look sitting in the stands? And how transcendently sporty does Padma look in a Nats jersey?
Some of the dishes sound pretty bangin' (particularly Angelo's pork/lobster roll and Tiffany's Italian meatball sub with fennel, basil pesto and fresh mozz), but in the end Quickfire champ Ed comes out on top once more for some well-received shrimp and corn risotto fritters (great idea for ballpark grub — finger food!). Jersey Kev's chicken skewer is criticized for being too long ("It was touching the bottom of my mouth," Tom C. complains
OMGthatswhatshesaidtimes800million), but in the end, it's the long-suffering Amanda who's sent packing — she cuts the fish for her tuna tartar way too early, which creates an oxidized, gray-looking end result. You can't pull that ish with seafood guys like Moonen and Ripert on watch ("I am offended by the color of the product!" says Ripert), so it's her time to go. Happy trails, A. Before you leave I would like to share this unintentionally creepy criminal mastermind photo of you:
