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| bravotv.com |
We know, we know: Few things appear douchier to the average person than watching a bunch of people taste wine. But y'all oenophobes should know that all the sniffing and the swirling and the holding it up to the light stuff is imperative to the process. The dumping of perfectly good vino into classy silver spittoons, however? I could take it or leave it. This is probably why the only tasting notes I ever really write are about Fruit by the Foot.
Mike V, who found himself at the bottom last week, started off Episode 8 the only way a person coming off a poor performance should � by comparing himself to Babe Ruth. You know, the Bambino totally "struck out once our twice in his career," and last week's screwup was totally the same deal. I glossed over the sheer egotism of this comment and immediately moved on to the "What if Mike V was in The Sandlot?" stage of the process:
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Quickfire: Chef Charlie Palmer, the American culinary mogul who coincidentally employed both Mike V and his brother Bryan in the past, tasks the remaining nine cheftestants with creating a dish that somehow incorporates Alexia Crunchy Snacks, which are "made with real vegetables!" and have "lots of flavor!" (Y'all too good for Doritos? Snots.) Chaz was not feeling Robin, and used the phrase "too creamy" to describe her mousseline, which I found hilarious because I am mature; our girl Jen C, who accidentally overcooked her pork; and Ash, who did something "peculiar." At the top: Bryan with some steak; Kevin, who is always killing it (will he win?); and eventual winner Eli, who does a warm potato and clam salad and thinks it's cool to announce on national television that he lives with his parents rent-free. BALLER!
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Then Eli and Robin get in a stupid fight over some stupid scallop-related shit. It's stupid.
Elimination: Palmer has the kids pick out a Pinot Noir and pair it up with a random pork part for a charity tasting event. My two favorite portions of the tasting/judging part of this ep were typically erudite Food & Wine EIC Dana Cowin calling Laurine's botched pork rillette attempt "cat food" and Palmer lamenting that he could not taste any "porkiness" in Robin's ... pork chop. (You know you screwed up when your pork chop lacks porkiness.) At the top are the usual suspects: Both V bros, Kev and Jen C, the latter of whom earns high praise from Palmer for crafting the lightest rendition of pork belly the chef's ever tried. (I didn't even know that was possible.) Kevin takes her home again, though, earning himself a table at the 2010 Pigs and Pinot event in the process. The dude has a pig tattooed on him! He deserves it.
And at the bottom are, well, the usual suspects again � Robin, whose sauce was too gummy in addition to her missing porkiness; Laurine, whose "terrible" Friskies-caliber rillette earned her a (very polite) tongue-lashing from Palmer because she cooked it completely incorrectly; and Ash, who should've been hacked last week anyhow. He explains to the judges that he was planning on doing a dish with polenta and jack cheese, but second-guessed himself, and that's enough to convince the panel that his confidence is too shaky to let him continue on.
Next week: Mike and Bryan fightfightfight, possibly armed with kitchen apparati. Jesus, somebody throw Bryan a microplane or something.
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| bravotv.com |
Pigs and Pinot is an absolutely hilarious name for any event. Also, I said it before and I'll say it again" Kevin 4eva! Love that guy!!!
I totally support Kevin 4eva!! I also seriously love that picture with Eli. Your photoshop skills Drew are unmatched.
Totally saw Eli sous-ing it up for an Iron Chef America contestant last week. He looked like a smug mama's boy on that one, too.
I was hoping Robin would get the axe; she is totally exaggerating her annoying qualities because she has become the outsider. We can now see why Bryan V has the stiffest persona since Hubert Hoover. He had a good ten years working with the similarly rigid Charlie Palmer where he learned how to make every word, action and glance personify the enormous stick inserted into his anal cavity (or purse for my incarcerated friends). I want to grab him and be like, "lighten up dude, your name is spelled with a Y, your supposed to be fun..." I should prob scan the back comments before I ask but... Anyone not buying at all that Kevin is 26? I don't watch much TV but is this show the most pervasive display of product placement ever? Last thought- Ash said in his parting words that he was going to invite all the judges back to his restaurant except for Patima. Sup with that?
When will someone point out that Eli looks like a young Fat Mike from NOFX....Oh I guess I did.
yawn.
Kibby! Yes, I kept saying that Charlie Palmer=Mr. Belvedere but no one I was with knew who that was!! Also, who wants to hug Kevin every time he speaks? Because I do. Like, a lot.
Anyone know if Chef Charlie Palmer is on Twitter ?? Member name ?? ~Patricia
Joeblo - I used to live in Atlanta. Kevin really is 26. It's the beard. Yes, this show is one of the most pervasive product placement programs ever. Drew notes that at least once a season. Ash is gay. And Padma said something snarky about his dish lacking flavor. But mostly he said that because he's gay. Very gay. Wow, Padma is beautiful. - B
Patricia: Mr. Belevedere's Twitter is here: http://twitter.com/cpgrestaurant
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