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Top Chef Season 5, Episode 11: Now there's a celebrity chef you can bring home to mom
Top Chef Season 5, Episode 11: Now there's a celebrity chef you can bring home to mom
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Many apologies for the delay with this recap. Last week was a bear!
First things first: Jeff, who was eliminated in Episode 10, told people.com that he felt the show used him as "some kind of sex object." I love that guy!
Onto 11: As far as celeb chefs go, I've always liked Eric Ripert. The chef/owner of NYC's heralded Le Bernardin (as well as Philly's 10 Arts) is a living legend, and he's French, meaning he could probably get away with being a total wad if he really wanted to. But seems like a generally nice dude. How much of this is genuine and how much of this is expertly polished public persona? Impossible to tell. But he's doing an excellent job.
Quickfire: Three-Round Super-Fast Fish Filleting Tournament. Round 1: The remaining cheftestants had 5 minutes to clean and butterfly two sardines. The Duchess of Scallopshire Jamie and Tony Todd/Didi Pickles daughter Carla screwed up, leaving Vaguely Ethnic Debbie Downer Leah, "I've Strayed From the Church's Teachings!" Hosea, and to so-very-continental Fabio and Stefan to give a big ol' arctic char the what's for. Leah and Fabio dropped the ball, so the show's two bald dudes faced off in Round 3: skinning and breaking down a still-kinda-alive eel. "Skinning eel is like riding a bike," Stefan said enthusiastically while nailing the thing's writhing, slimy head into a cutting board and tearing it apart with ease. The uncircumcised winced. Stefan won.
(One thing I've noticed: It's easy for us schlubs at home to be like "You're a professional chef, you should be able to gut and fillet that fish with the quickness!" But I don't think everyone realizes that it's extremely difficult to do well. I've tried — and failed spectacularly — on several occasions. Then again, I'm far from a pro chef — but could you imagine if a God de Poisson like Ripert hovered over you while you struggled through a task he could probably complete blindfolded with one hand while smoking an unfiltered cigarette and discussing the waning strength of the Euro?)
Elimination: The final six are treated to classy six-course lunch at Le Bernardin, where apparently you get an extremely dapper black French man in a bespoke suit describing your food as part of the package. I'd imagine that's an extremely nervewracking position to be in, even if you work in a kitchen — sitting at a private table with a chef while his or her food is being served, putting you in the obligatory position to make insightful comments about the dishes in real time as you fork away. (Of course, I feel this way because I'm not at all eloquent when I eat, mainly because my mouth is so full.) It was funny to watch these generally cocky chefs stumble over their words when attempting to describe the heavenly texture of oil-poached escolar. Ripert acted very gracious and friendly throughout, of course.
Anyway, after dinner, chefs drew knives to see which of the six courses they would have to recreate for Eric and the Crew. Quickfire winner Stefan was given the advantage of being able to choose, so he picked baked lobster with asparagus and hollandaise sauce. The rest of the contestants groaned because they thought it was too easy. Come on y'all, there are no easy Le Bernardin recipes.
Carla drew the aforementioned escolar (seemed like one of the hardest), Hosea got za'atar-spiced monkfish, Leah picked mahi mahi in a matsutake mushroom sauce, Jamie drew a black bass plate (Ripert's pick for most difficult) and Fabio drew sourdough-encrusted red snapper (sounds so good).
The judges' tasting was one of the bigger wankfests I've in awhile. "It's like someone forging a painting," Tom Colicchio said about the chefs mimicking Ripert's dishes. Wank. Toby Young offered high praise to Ripert's menu, causing the Frenchman to blush and say, "Coming from you ... " Wank. Padma just sat there and acted transcendently beautiful. Wank. Et cetera.
Stefan won again because his plate was apparently very close to the Ripert original (back to backs here).
Bottom three: Hosea, who overdid the za'atar (how you gonna overdo the za'atar, brother?); Leah, whose stuff was too greasy for comfort; and Jamie, who screwed up the celery on her plate real bad. Toby went so far as to claim that Jamie's dish featured a "rogue element," a "metallic aftertaste" that rendered it "completely toxic." Take those comments out of context and he could very well be talking about terrorism.
Jamie got the ax. It seemed cruel on its face because Leah has been half-assedly coasting for the past few episodes, while the last bastion of Team Rainbow, for all her pouting and complaining, has consistently performed well. Was it a fair elimination? Don't ask Ripert, who seems to think both the girls should've been sent packing. From his post-show Q&A:
Bravotv.com: When Leah gave up on the arctic char, what were you thinking?
Gone baby gone …[...]
Bravotv.com: The eliminated chef was seemingly sent home for oversalting celery — was this the worst culinary crime that day?
By far, yes. Unfortunately we just couldn’t eat it.
Next episode: Jacques Pepin, Wylie Dufresne and various other chefs attempt to outwankify each other. Fabio chops his finger/hand/arm off.
[...] porterhouse• It's time for the Chifa trumpets to blare (DJ nights at Jose Garces' new spot?)• Top Chef Season 5, Episode 11: Now there's a celebrity chef you can bring home to mom• First-ever Main Line Foodapalooza a success, despite a few hiccups• Sidecar movin' on [...]
Tony Todd and Didi Pickles!!!!! Oh my goodness. That is one of the funniest things I have read in a long time. Between that and the Duchess of Scallopshire, my snark/laugh quotent has been fulfilled for a minute. Here's my suggestion. Pitch Bravo the following T-shirts for this season: "Duchess of Scallopshire", "I am Tony Todd and Didi Pickles' love child", and 'Gone baby gone.' - Eric Ripert. Classics, all three. Heck, fire 'em up on CafePress yourself!
B: Haha, thanks. I am glad (and shocked) that there is actually someone out there other than myself who's at least a little amused by my drooling sense of humor. Also, please credit Meal Ticket commenter Clint with the Tony Todd comparison.
[...] refined member of the Final Four when you’re talking pure skills. He displayed as much in Episode 11, when he wowed chef Eric Ripert with a near-perfect rendition of a Le Bernardin seafood dish. Plus, [...]
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