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Don't Front
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A single half-cup serving? Good one.
My Mom bought this single serve cup as part of her diet because she doesn't want to give up sweets. I love sweets myself but only eat them when I truly have a craving. Today was one of those days and I decided to try this lowfat frozen yogurt. I finished the cup i about five min..it was tasty! THEN, instantaneously my stomach started churning and I ran for the bathroom and had a serious case of diarrhea. TWICE! Never will I eat this product again....unless I am deciding to lose a few pounds in the form of a laxative. All stick to the all-natural stuff next time!
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| Photos | Drew Lazor |
Don�t Front is an occasional Meal Ticket feature in which we explain to you why you should not hate on the many terrible food items we enjoy.
Stroll down your local cereal aisle and it's easy to gather that we're in the thick of Boo Berry/Frankberry season. (All apologies to any healthful seasonal produce items that may be reading this right now.) But turns out these delicious monsters have influence over more than just breakfast � they've got massive teeth-rotting candy game, as well. We picked up these Boo Berry and Frankenberry Fruit by the Foots at Pathmark the other day for a ridiculous $2 a box, and ate somewhere in the range of 24 to 30 feet of the stuff before our dentist kicked our door down and pummeled us into submission. Here are our tasting notes: Frankenberry is sugary on the nose, with bright notes of sugar; lingering sugariness on the finish. Boo Berry, on the other hand, touts a classic sugar backbone, but you may be surprised to find that the eloquent sugar characteristics so common to candies produced in this� particular appellation are reinterpreted � reimagined, even � through a lively, youthful sugar lens.
Excellent tasting notes. Could you suggest a wine/cocktail pairing?
Banker's Club
You don't think the sugary essence of Bartles & Jaymes would be a good accompaniment here too?
I suggest the electric-pink strawberry Boone's Farm -- up.
[...] We know, we know: Few things appear douchier to the average person than watching a bunch of people taste wine. But y’all oenophobes should know that all the sniffing and the swirling and the holding it up to the light stuff is imperative to the process. The dumping of perfectly good vino into classy silver spittoons, however? I could take it or leave it. This is probably why the only tasting notes I ever really write are about Fruit by the Foot. [...]
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| Photo | Drew Lazor |
Don't Front is a new occasional Meal Ticket feature in which I explain to you why you should not hate on the many terrible food items I enjoy.
Scrunchy Marshmallow Dreams (SMD) is generic-ass Lucky Charms from ShopRite. I'm going to go to bat for Brand X here by listing a few reasons why I believe this cereal is vastly superior to its General Mills counterpart:
- SMD is something like $2.50 to $3 cheaper than Lucky Charms.
- This is purely anecdotal, but I feel as though the marshmallow-to-oat ratio in SMD is much higher than in Lucky Charms. There's nothing worse than a bowl full of soggy-ass sugar-coated oat pieces with no mallow accompaniment because you ate all the rainbows and pots of gold and whatnot at the outset.
- Note the shape of SMD's oat piece � it's a five-point star, meaning there is plenty of sharp surface area that aids in the collection of marshmallows with each spoonful. Lucky Charms' oat pieces, on the other hand, are shaped like the letter X, Jesus fish, etc. � the GM cereal engineers clearly didn't think this shit through. The large-brained geniuses behind SMD simply improved on a flawed original model.
- SMD has a hot air balloon-shaped marshmallow, which reminds me of this and therefore it is better than Lucky Charms.
- The Irish Leprechauns make me uneasy, so the fact that SMD's mascot is a stoned-looking bear is comforting.
- IT'S CALLED SCRUNCHY MARSHMALLOW DREAMS Y'ALL
Scrunchy Cocoa Treats (Cocoa Puffs knockoff) FTW! Their Honey Nut Cheerios knockoff is also great.
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