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Top Chef
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| bravotv.com |
I've had a blast writing about Top Chef New York here on Meal Ticket. It's a little sad, but also exciting, to think that it'll all be over come tomorrow night. (At least until Season 6 starts ... Vegas is the rumor.)
The Season 5 recaps have garnered some great response from Top Chef fans, so why stop now? Tell me who's going to take it, Meal Ticketers — Grouchy Finnish arm-crosser Stefan? Lovable hippie-dip caterer Carla? Seafood-searing novelty T-shirt mannequin Hosea?
I've already put my prediction out there. Share yours — and any salacious spoiler-riffic rumors you might've heard — in the comments.
Stefan had been my pick from the beginning, though I'd be pleased to see Carla win.
CARLA CARLA CARLA! Screw Fabrizio's boyfriend and his Finnish/German/Austrian/Swiss eel splicing antics! And Hosea? come on - stop shakin' in your shorts and let the real chef serve me up some perfect peas for my final meal. You're goin' down boys.
Mama Pickles all the way.
Hootiehoo! I'm gunning for Carla, crazy eyes and all.
i love hootiehoo but i think it'll be stephan.
Two laid back bald guys - even when one is Mean-ass Rammstein guy- work against each other. Carla is b-b-bugged out. She seems to have a deeper appreciation for the game and a love of the culinary process. She wins. Or is schitzel for everybody.
Carla! She has the personality and the taste to be the Top Chef. I have no idea why Hoser is even in the finale...
I heard a rumor that Carla was in the NPR studios yesterday. Maybe because she won? I hope so. Hootie-Hoo. Also, if Hosea wins, I will vomit.
I reallllllllly hope it's Carla! Remember when Padma said during the first episode that, historically the winner of the first elimination round of the first episode has gone on to win it all? Not this time, please. (Stefan won that first episode).
I still don't understand how Hosea has gotten to the end. When you know, almost for sure, that one person simply doesn't have what it takes, then a little of the suspense is lost in the final showdown. I think, any ways.
My prediction: In a surprise move, the producers bring Fabio back citing the fact that he is "just too fucking cute for words." Fabio takes it all. That, or Stefan owns it.
[...] Earls of Sandwich: Unbreaded.com• The Whitman spits in face of economy with $100 martini• Top Chef Season 5: Let's hear your predictions for tomorrow night's finale• Seasons 52 opens in Cherry Hill March 23• Hallelujah, Wegman's Jesus triumphs over [...]
As long as Hosea doesn't win I'm happy. Stefan is extremely talented and Carla is just great, she grew on me as well. This wasn't too strong of a season anyway, the best part was reading your hysterical recaps every week. DiDi Pickles is stil the best!
Carla. You can feel the love.
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| bravotv.com |
Moments before last night's penultimate Top Chef started, I posted my Final Four rankings. How close did I come to being stupendously wrong? Soooo close.
Quickfire: In the most welcome "twist" of this season, Padma, Goddess of Cephalopod-Themed T&A, and Tom C., the Patron Saint of Dissatisfied Grimaces, met up with notably sedate Emeril Lagasse in the front yard of what looked like a setpiece from Double Jeopardy. I could shoot you in the middle of Mardi Gras, and they can't touch me!
Twist, right: The Final Four learned that they would not be cooking. Rather, three exiled cheftestants would be battling for a spot in the second-to-last challenge. In the running? Surly Sue Jamie, more formally known, in all her regal mollusktisity, as the Duchess of Scallopshire; my Dr. Robert Chase-ian dude Jeff, who recently came out saying that he felt producers exploited him for his boyish, narrow-hipped appeal (well-played); and ... Leah, who made awkward middle school flirty faces at Hosea. Nonono evilevilevil. Emeril told them to get busy on a crawfish dish.
Jeff ended up impressing the most with a crawfish/grits/andouille combo, earning him a chance to cook alongside the Final Four in the Elimination. (He would have to win the challenge, not just sneak through in the middle, to make the finale.) "Jeff's mind has a couple people talking in it," explained Jeff about himself in third person. I wonder what kind of people?
Elimination: Stefan, Carla, Fabio and Hosea, with their little Jeff +1, were given six hours to prepare two dishes (at least one Creole) and one cocktail for a 100-person masquerade ball organized by Mardi Gras parade brigade Krewe of Orpheus. (Go to their Web site — you'll be pleased to learn that the closeted Italian dude Salvatore from Mad Men is one of their special celebrity guests this year.)
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| bravotv.com |
Carla fun facts! She does not drink and cannot shuck oysters. (She also used to be a model!) She still managed, though, to complete an oyster stew and a shrimp/sausage beignet, and made the strange-at-the-time decision to offer a teetotaler's cranberry/lime spritzer as her cocktail. Stefan, who made it a point to taunt Hosea repeatedly with phallic andouille portions (above), came out with a duck/rabbit gumbo over grits, an apple beignet and some cherry/cran/rum drink. Jeff offered a fried oyster with from-scratch sausage (impressive), a crawfish pot de creme and a smash-hit cucumber mojito. Hosea did a pecan-crusted catfish, a Hurricane and stirred his roux for 20 years like an old scoliosis-stricken Cajun lady to make his centerpiece gumbo. Fabreezy, who likened the masquerade ball to an "old porno movie" (borrow please? thx), went slightly Medi with it, cooking crawfish/crab caserecci pasta with his a sausage/rabbit maque choux and a macerated red bell pepper tipple.
Despite her inexperience popping shells (girl coulda just steamed them, said Tom C.), Carla took home the win (and a Toyota) by impressing Emeril with her refined plates and shockingly successful non-booze beverage. (That's truly a testament if she came out on top lubricating the judges with cups of juice.) Jeff (oh, Jeff) was so very close to winning, but came up just short — all the textures/flavors were there for the panel (now featuring Gail!), but he didn't bring it home quite as strong as the last lady standing. Hosea, OF COURSE, snuck by in the middle, but to his credit, Emeril gave him daps for doing that gumbo the right way. Right now, he is probably wearing a stupid three-quarter-sleeve baseball T-shirt with a picture of the "Chocolate Rain" guy on it.
Bottom two: Fabio and Stefan. Oh, the foreign-born humanity. Judges had some nit-picky stuff for Stefan, but they were mostly sour on his attitude. (Why now? He's been acting like this the entire season.) Gail also felt that his food "didn't have soul," which is a preposterous and amazing thing to hear Gail say. For Fab, the pasta sauce needed more heat and the bell pepper cocktail was too sweet, and that was enough to send him on his way. What do you think? Did the right Euro go home? I'm inclined to say yes, but that's mostly because I dubbed Stefan the champ before the fact.
Next week: Finale Part 2. I've always admired the format of the Top Chef season ender — no flaming hoops, Diet Dr. Pepper desserts or wriggling invertebrates. Just cook us the best meal you've ever cooked. As impressive as Carla was in E13, I'm sticking to my swami guns: Stefan will just barely edge out Carla to take the title, and Hosea will present something perfectly good, but not life-altering. How are y'all seeing it?
Love the Dennis Miller-esque (-ian?) references - keep 'em coming! "3/4 baseball T-Shirt with the Chocolate Rain guy on it"! Yes! That is Hosea! Hilarious. Yes, I think you called it right, and I love Carla too (though the Didi Pickles reference is now lost since she's straightened her hair). Hubert Keller is the guest judge in the finale, so the cheftestants will definitely have to bring it (though he seems to have mellowed a bit since Season One). I'm concerned Carla will be a little rattled by the pressure, as she seemed to be earlier in the season. Hosea is good, but not great. I thought Fabio deserved to go - he was on the edge a few times. Stefan takes it all in a nail-biter. I love Gail. Like, "Stop the wedding!" love. Sigh. Oh well.
I suppose Stefan has to be the favorite going into the final, but for the last 2-3 weeks has clearly been one of the worst. The only reason he was allowed to stay on the show is because of his previous victories. No way his over cooked salmon earned him a spot. From the start I liked Jamie, and still feel robbed that she was booted. I have never been a fan of Carla, who reminds me of the mortician from The Wire, although i will admit she is growing on me. Regardless, Stefan is a joke, and sadly I would rather see Carla, or even Hosea, win.
Regardless of his attitude, Stefan has been the most impressive chef in all the Top Chef seasons so far. In case you've forgotten, he has a total of 10 wins this season (4 Quickfire, 4 elimination and 2 team) including 2 episodes where he won both the quickfire and elimination. That has to be the season record, by a long shot. Regardless of his cockiness, he has the goods to back it up. I don't even imagine his recent dishes have been that bad, just a case of the producers nitpicking to create some drama and tension for the final, which he is odds on favorite to win and has been for much of the season. All anyone had to do was read his bio to realize that this competition is his to lose, although Richard Blaise did lose Top Chef 4 as the odds on favorite for most of the season. Is his occasional arrogant attitude offputting? Definitely, but the man has mad skills, and doesn't actually appear to be an ogre as often portrayed by the editing, evidenced by the warm partings he's had with nearly all of the eliminated chefs.
George: Is his occasional arrogant attitude offputting? Definitely, but the man has mad skills, and doesnât actually appear to be an ogre as often portrayed by the editing. Well-said. Though the argument can be made that Stefan's best challenges are behind him, I'm sticking to my original prediction that he's going to take the final. I think the "cook us the best of your life" format is perfect for him. Most of his stumbles have taken place with simple dishes. The overcooked salmon during the "Last Supper" challenge was definitely his most egregious screwup. With a blank canvas, I see him excelling. One other interesting thing I haven't heard a lot of people considering: Everyone is talking about the finale like it's a two-horse race, Stefan vs. Carla. Is there anyone who's thinking Hosea might continue with his duck-under-the-radar success? What if Stefan and Carla somehow cancel each other out in the eyes of the judges?
I agree that stripped of show-provided contrivances, Stefan could very well romp. But Carla's been on a hot-streak â like white hot, pretty much unconscious, turning impossible situations into winning dishes. The thing is, Stefan's a technician, Franz Liszt if you will (hence his lack of soul?) and Carla's, like, touched by the muse, a riffer (hence her inconsistency). I think if Carla's "in the zone" she'll be unbeatable. if not, she'll finish third. I don't think Hosea's ceiling is higher than second place. He'll be too bothered with what Stefan's doing. And I neither of the baldies considers it an even remote possibility that Carla can beat them â despite the fact that she's schooled them like three weeks running â which works in her favor. I'm calling it for Carla.
So Stefan survived the chopping block, but it can't be because of his previous victories. They're pretty clear that contestants are judged solely on their performance in that week's elimination challenge. Remember when Padma got snippy with Toby in the farm-to-fork ep judging? Ariane buthcered (literally and metaphorically) the lamb, Toby dissed her skills, and Padma said that, no, Ariane had also cooked some really delicious things in the past. Toby countered, saying that aren't they supposed to be judging the chefs on that particular challenge only? Ergo, Stefan's food had to be better than Fabio's even if it had "no soul"--good one, Gail. But you do have to wonder, even subconsciously, if the judges take past performance into consideration. I don't know. I just hope Hosebeast (Drew, I'm running with it) doesn't win. He's this year's Lisa, only with a better haircut.
I really hope you're wrong, Drew, with the possibility of Hosea winning. How he's even made it this far is only a testament to the lackluster talent this season's chef's had to offer. That said, I'm also having a really hard time routing for either Stephan or Carla. I was glad to see Carla winning the last few rounds (and a car!) maybe only for her homespun charm and kookiness. I do believe Stephan will take the prize tho because I really think that every season the producers pick their winner mid-season (and yes I realize that's a conspiracy theory). Can't wait till Wednesday - sort of.
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As promised: After the jump, I rank the remaining four Season 5 contestants in descending order in terms of how likely I think they are to win the title of Top Chef. Don't worry, I kept it as simple as possible. No rubrics or flow charts, just short/sweet reasoning. Please share your thoughts, and/or your own rankings, in the comments.
The new episode comes on in a few minutes. Let's talk more tomorrow.
1. Stefan
Quickfire Wins: 3
Elimination Wins: 4
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Strengths: Stefan, a California-based caterer who was born in Finland and raised in Germany, is definitely the most refined member of the Final Four when you're talking pure skills. He displayed as much in Episode 11, when he wowed chef Eric Ripert with a near-perfect rendition of a Le Bernardin seafood dish. Plus, think about it in terms of diversity. Seasons 1 and 2 had white male winners (Harold and Ilan). Season 3 saw Vietnam native Hung take it home. Season 4 featured Stephanie, the very first female winner. Wouldn't it be cute and convenient for Season 5 to feature a Euro-bred Top Chef?
Weaknesses: The guy is a hothead, definitely does not work well with others (remember Episode 5, when Radhika said she'd rather cook with Satan than him?) and seems to get the hiccups when required to properly execute dishes driven by simplicity (see Episode 12, when he grossly overcooked Marcus Samuelsson's salmon). Then again, with the final challenge upon us, will any of these shortcomings even matter?
2. Carla
Quickfire Wins: 1
Elimination Wins: 3
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Strengths: Carla owns a D.C.-based company called Alchemy Caterers, which carries the connotation of her turning crap into pure gold. She's been able to do as much with her late-season surge, which began with Episode 8's Blue Hill at Stone Barns group challenge and culminated last week in a Wylie Dufresne-approved egg Quickfire and a near-win for the "Last Supper" elimination. Also, remember how she took the win in Episode 10 with a gumbo she somehow pulled off in 20 minutes? The final challenge is taking place in New Orleans. A familiarity with EmerilLand cuisine cannot hurt her. She is a definite fan favorite, too, for her vivacious, odd-bird antics, which almost always translate well to the judges. (Except for Philly's Stephen Starr, who quite memorably expressed his desire to shake her.) Also, barring a few snafus (e.g. the non-frozen frozen yogurt from Restaurant Wars), Carla is the most talented baker and pastry chef remaining in the competition.
Weaknesses: Inconsistency. Carla wasn't able to turn on the afterburners until the final third of this season. Does she have enough left to keep a step ahead of Stefan in these crucial final episodes? As much as I would like to watch Carla win, I don't see it happening.
3. Fabio
Quickfire Wins: 0
Elimination Wins: 3
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Strengths: Florentine Fabio, he of the unavoidably charming panty-disintegrating Italian accent, is definitely the ballsiest member of the Final Four. He's taken the most risks with his food, an approach that's brought him both success and spectacular failure. His unabashed boldness on the stove (he's basically the only contestant to toy with "molecular" techniques) separates him from his peers and solidifies him as a threat. If Fabio just wanted to phone it in, he could've dressed every one of his dishes up in Italian clothes, a la Rad's omnipresent Indian influence. But he hasn't done that, and has reached the finals on the strength of his originality in the kitchen.
Weaknesses: Somewhat obviously, his greatest strength doubles as his greatness weakness. I can definitely see Fabio sticking his neck out a little too far in the final challenge, miscalculating the balance between branding a dish his own and presenting something that is a triumph in a technical sense.
4. Hosea
Quickfire Wins: 1
Elimination Wins: 2
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Strengths: Hosea, who's the head chef of a seafood restaurant in Boulder, Colorado, has won more challenges than it seems, mostly due to the fact that he's been a member of a winning group on several occasions. This means he's extremely good at teaming up. While this might not come into play in the final challenge, you never know what the Top Chef producers are gonna pull out of their crisp white sleeves. His outpalating of Stefan in Episode 5 showed that he knows ingredients, meaning he understands what the hell he's doing.
Weaknesses: Hosea's the classic example of a cheftestant who's dodged enough bullets, either through holding down the not-winning/not-losing middle of the pack or by coasting in a group situation, to sneak his way into the Final Four. Does he have enough imagination and individual chutzpah to stake his own culinary claim? I don't think so. Also: Stupid novelty T-shirts, stupid beard and he grossly made out with Leah that one time.
I think that those octopuses that Padma's holding are even prettier than she is. Also, Hosea is fucking gross and I love Carla.
[...] BREW REVUE: Bell's Two Hearted• MEAL TICKET VIDEO: The $11-a-head Winter Dinner Party• Top Chef Season 5: Final Four power rankings!• Lovers and Madmen opening in March at 40th and Ludlow• SNACK TIME: Sneaking around [...]
[...] Stefan? Lovable hippie-dip caterer Carla? Seafood-searing novelty T-shirt mannequin Hosea?I’ve already put my prediction out there. Share yours — and any salacious spoiler-riffic rumors you might’ve heard — in the [...]
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| bravotv.com |
We're getting close, y'all. Final Four is set.
Quickfire: Endearingly nerdy moleculo superchef Wylie Dufresne, known best for his mavericky NYC restaurant WD-50, loves eggs. "Breakfast is my favorite meal of the day," he said more than once. Padma called Dufresne an "egghead" and giggled airily. He challenged the five remaining chefs to whip up an impressive egg dish. (Thankfully, no one attempted to cook up the gag-inducing albumen bomb that is an ostrich egg, which led to cheftestant Jill's downfall early on.)
Fabio, who called Dufresne "Doo-frez-nay" instead of "Doo-frain," like Tim Robbins' character in The Shawshank Redemption, tried to impress the star chef by busting out some reverse-free-something-something chemical process to produce lychee soup in an empty eggshell. "Alginate?" Dufresne questioned when he learned Fabio geeked it up a bit. "Of course, " the Euro replied. What?! Hosea overdid it with a trio of Japanese bites that didn't work well together. Leah did a funky bacon egg and cheese deal that didn't impress, either. Came down to Carla, who incorporated spinach into egg whites for a "green eggs and ham" dish, and Stefan, who pulled some sort of yolky switcheroo that Dufresne found "clever." Carla, who is tearing it up as of late, ended up taking it by keeping her stuff simple.
Elimination: After eating what looked like a delicious meal at Top Chef Season 1 winner Harold Dieterle's Greenwich Village eatery Perilla, the chefs tackled Season 5's most interesting challenge yet — cooking a "Last Meal" for a random panel of food legends.
Fabio drew the charming Lidia Bastianich of Lidia's Italy. Hosea got James Beard Foundation prez Susan Ungaro. Stef landed ever-eloquent Swedish superstar Marcus Samuelsson. Leah got Dufresne, which did not bode well because he was steady hating on her Quickfire plate. And Carla? Carla got Jacques Pepin. I AM OBSESSED WITH JACQUES PEPIN. I could watch his soporific-to-everyone-else public TV show Fast Food My Way, which consists of him standing in his rustic country kitchen chopping vegetables and rambling on about things in his dizzyingly thick French accent, all day every day. He's got such a calm, warm, welcoming and kindly le grand-père demeanor. He's everything a venerable culinary legend should be — and the man rocks bow ties. Make me croque monsieur, Jacques! Sil vous plait.
Not surprisingly, these pillars of the food world all wanted something whole and simple to nosh on before they metaphorically kicked the bucket — dishes that are at once comforting and transporting, a la Anton Ego unexpectedly quantum-leaping back to his childhood as he tasted that first bite of Remy's Ratatouille.
Hosea, who got Ungaro's order of shrimp scampi and tomato provencal (a tomato half stuffed with breadcrumbs, herbs and cheese) drew criticisms for gussying up his old-French-lady side dish too much. Stefan, in a surprising move, grossly overcooked the salmon, which Swede Samuelsson asked for with roasted potatoes, spinach and dill. Leah struck out once again making eggs for the Egghead, crafting a watery benedict that everyone but watery-egg-loving Brit Toby Young disliked.
Here's where the odd squab squabble referenced in the headline of this post came into play. Pepin requested that Carla cooked him roasted squab with peas. At judges' table, Tom Colicchio mentioned that he thought the bird was overcooked, while Pepin found it stellar. Instead of chalking it up to a difference of opinion, Tom C. pointed out that there is a latent ideological difference between how older chefs and younger chefs like their squab cooked. I found this extremely dubious. Granted, I don't follow the game bird beat that closely, but this is the first I'm hearing of a generational gap impacting the way people view the temperature of pigeon. Can anyone better-versed than me in squabology comment on this? How about you, Jacques, in your bravotv.com Q&A?
Bravotv.com: Tom and Carla agreed that the squab was slightly overcooked. You said that you didn't mind. Tom then went into something about how old school and new school differ on the way they like it cooked. Do you agree with that?
I don't know if it's only older chefs or old school chefs. It's a question of personal preference or taste. It's a question of the fad or the fashion at that time. We used to roast a duck, which I still love. A roast duck you put in the oven for an hour at 400 degree and the skin is crispy and well done. You can do that at home. Many years ago this was the only way that duck was cooked. Now the only way you can have duck is with the breast rare and the leg is confit or whatever and it is kind of ridiculous because one is just after the other. All of a sudden you have the old style coming back new again and you have those types of things. It's more of a question of passion than anything else. It's a question of personal preferences. Sure, I could have had the squab slightly less cooked than it was, but it was quite well seared and satisfying and good.
I love that a) Bravo didn't really seem to copyedit Pepin's responses, so they read very sprawling and Frenchily; and b) he provides absolutely no insight into Tom C.'s squab comment by attributing it to personal preference, taste, fads, fashions AND passion. I LOVE JACQUES PEPIN.
Fabio, who was tasked with doing up roasted chicken and caramelized cippolini onions for Lidia, did something grotesque to his finger (they didn't show what) and ended up having to have it splinted and wrapped in the kitchen. ("I'll chop it off and sear it on the flat top," he replied with mega Italiano bluster after a medic asked if he needed to go to the hospital.) But the injury didn't keep him from winning the Elimination — Tom C. called his chicken "a dish that makes you," while Samuelsson pointed out that it was the only plate that he thought could go straight from judges' table onto a restaurant table. High praise.
Leah was told to her pack her knives and go. About time — she totally hasn't wanted to be there ever since she grossly sucked gross face with Hosebeast.
So we've finally got our Final Four — Stefan, Carla, Fabio and Hosea. Check back on Meal Ticket before next Wednesday's episode for what will easily be the most horrendously nerdy thing I've ever done — TOP CHEF POWER RANKINGS. Wait, don't go! I'm cool, seriously! I like rap!
OK, one more Jacques Pepin Q&A quote and I'm done:
Bravotv.com: Do you watch Top Chef?
Occasionally. I've seen a couple of them. I never know exactly when it's on. I tend to stay with the news or stuff like that. It's very rare that I look at things like that.
Jacques Pepin has no clue when Top Chef is even on. JACQUES PEPIN IS KILLING IT.
Hosebeast... love it.
I love when old people refer to watching tv as "looking" at it.
I'm with you on Jacques Pepin - he is the Mack! His show with Julia Child (RIP) was great, too. Hubert Keller's show sometimes follows Jacques' and it's pretty good too. I can't wait to see Eric Ripert's show. Gotta admit, Top Chef is killing it with the guest judges this season - maybe we'll see Hubert Keller at the finale. Or Grant Achaz, that would be cool. P.S. Are you going to ape Bravo's Top Chef power rankings? I hope so, because I don't understand them (making a dessert is +5?).
B: Couldn't agree more re: the guest judges this season. Good stuff. Achatz made an appearance in Episode 3, but he could definitely surface again somewhere. Looks like Emeril is the grand puba of the final four's New Orleans challenges. (Who else, right?) Re: the power rankings â not gonna get too complicated with it! Just going to rank my final four in order and then let people in the comments tell me how wrong I am. I've noticed a lot of different blogs doing weekly power rankings since Episode 1 â exhausting! Keeping it simple, Pepin-style. Look for the post tomorrow or Wednesday.
[...] Chef Season 5: Final Four power rankings! categories | Food TV, Top Chef As promised: After the jump, I rank the remaining four Season 5 contestants in descending order in terms of how [...]
[...] and fast policy regarding this — if they did, Stefan would’ve been eliminated for his extremely overcooked salmon in Episode 12 instead of Leah for her runny eggs. Last night, however, Hosea was clearly the best — and [...]
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The indispensable Adam Riff KILLS IT with this marriage of Dark Knight and Top Chef.
You thought I was going to say "mash-up," didn't you?
Here's my Episode 11 recap. Click here to check out all my Season 5 blatherings.
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Many apologies for the delay with this recap. Last week was a bear!
First things first: Jeff, who was eliminated in Episode 10, told people.com that he felt the show used him as "some kind of sex object." I love that guy!
Onto 11: As far as celeb chefs go, I've always liked Eric Ripert. The chef/owner of NYC's heralded Le Bernardin (as well as Philly's 10 Arts) is a living legend, and he's French, meaning he could probably get away with being a total wad if he really wanted to. But seems like a generally nice dude. How much of this is genuine and how much of this is expertly polished public persona? Impossible to tell. But he's doing an excellent job.
Quickfire: Three-Round Super-Fast Fish Filleting Tournament. Round 1: The remaining cheftestants had 5 minutes to clean and butterfly two sardines. The Duchess of Scallopshire Jamie and Tony Todd/Didi Pickles daughter Carla screwed up, leaving Vaguely Ethnic Debbie Downer Leah, "I've Strayed From the Church's Teachings!" Hosea, and to so-very-continental Fabio and Stefan to give a big ol' arctic char the what's for. Leah and Fabio dropped the ball, so the show's two bald dudes faced off in Round 3: skinning and breaking down a still-kinda-alive eel. "Skinning eel is like riding a bike," Stefan said enthusiastically while nailing the thing's writhing, slimy head into a cutting board and tearing it apart with ease. The uncircumcised winced. Stefan won.
(One thing I've noticed: It's easy for us schlubs at home to be like "You're a professional chef, you should be able to gut and fillet that fish with the quickness!" But I don't think everyone realizes that it's extremely difficult to do well. I've tried — and failed spectacularly — on several occasions. Then again, I'm far from a pro chef — but could you imagine if a God de Poisson like Ripert hovered over you while you struggled through a task he could probably complete blindfolded with one hand while smoking an unfiltered cigarette and discussing the waning strength of the Euro?)
Elimination: The final six are treated to classy six-course lunch at Le Bernardin, where apparently you get an extremely dapper black French man in a bespoke suit describing your food as part of the package. I'd imagine that's an extremely nervewracking position to be in, even if you work in a kitchen — sitting at a private table with a chef while his or her food is being served, putting you in the obligatory position to make insightful comments about the dishes in real time as you fork away. (Of course, I feel this way because I'm not at all eloquent when I eat, mainly because my mouth is so full.) It was funny to watch these generally cocky chefs stumble over their words when attempting to describe the heavenly texture of oil-poached escolar. Ripert acted very gracious and friendly throughout, of course.
Anyway, after dinner, chefs drew knives to see which of the six courses they would have to recreate for Eric and the Crew. Quickfire winner Stefan was given the advantage of being able to choose, so he picked baked lobster with asparagus and hollandaise sauce. The rest of the contestants groaned because they thought it was too easy. Come on y'all, there are no easy Le Bernardin recipes.
Carla drew the aforementioned escolar (seemed like one of the hardest), Hosea got za'atar-spiced monkfish, Leah picked mahi mahi in a matsutake mushroom sauce, Jamie drew a black bass plate (Ripert's pick for most difficult) and Fabio drew sourdough-encrusted red snapper (sounds so good).
The judges' tasting was one of the bigger wankfests I've in awhile. "It's like someone forging a painting," Tom Colicchio said about the chefs mimicking Ripert's dishes. Wank. Toby Young offered high praise to Ripert's menu, causing the Frenchman to blush and say, "Coming from you ... " Wank. Padma just sat there and acted transcendently beautiful. Wank. Et cetera.
Stefan won again because his plate was apparently very close to the Ripert original (back to backs here).
Bottom three: Hosea, who overdid the za'atar (how you gonna overdo the za'atar, brother?); Leah, whose stuff was too greasy for comfort; and Jamie, who screwed up the celery on her plate real bad. Toby went so far as to claim that Jamie's dish featured a "rogue element," a "metallic aftertaste" that rendered it "completely toxic." Take those comments out of context and he could very well be talking about terrorism.
Jamie got the ax. It seemed cruel on its face because Leah has been half-assedly coasting for the past few episodes, while the last bastion of Team Rainbow, for all her pouting and complaining, has consistently performed well. Was it a fair elimination? Don't ask Ripert, who seems to think both the girls should've been sent packing. From his post-show Q&A:
Bravotv.com: When Leah gave up on the arctic char, what were you thinking?
Gone baby gone …[...]
Bravotv.com: The eliminated chef was seemingly sent home for oversalting celery — was this the worst culinary crime that day?
By far, yes. Unfortunately we just couldn’t eat it.
Next episode: Jacques Pepin, Wylie Dufresne and various other chefs attempt to outwankify each other. Fabio chops his finger/hand/arm off.
[...] porterhouse• It's time for the Chifa trumpets to blare (DJ nights at Jose Garces' new spot?)• Top Chef Season 5, Episode 11: Now there's a celebrity chef you can bring home to mom• First-ever Main Line Foodapalooza a success, despite a few hiccups• Sidecar movin' on [...]
Tony Todd and Didi Pickles!!!!! Oh my goodness. That is one of the funniest things I have read in a long time. Between that and the Duchess of Scallopshire, my snark/laugh quotent has been fulfilled for a minute. Here's my suggestion. Pitch Bravo the following T-shirts for this season: "Duchess of Scallopshire", "I am Tony Todd and Didi Pickles' love child", and 'Gone baby gone.' - Eric Ripert. Classics, all three. Heck, fire 'em up on CafePress yourself!
B: Haha, thanks. I am glad (and shocked) that there is actually someone out there other than myself who's at least a little amused by my drooling sense of humor. Also, please credit Meal Ticket commenter Clint with the Tony Todd comparison.
[...] refined member of the Final Four when you’re talking pure skills. He displayed as much in Episode 11, when he wowed chef Eric Ripert with a near-perfect rendition of a Le Bernardin seafood dish. Plus, [...]
It was amazing how pained Padma sounded last night as she uttered the line "As you know, the Super Bowl is just around the corner" (see video). Also amazing: Neither the Arizona Cardinals nor the Pittsburgh Steelers, the two shitbucket teams responsible for providing us with what will surely be the wackest Big Game in a decade, were featured in later portion of the show that involved the cheftestants selecting NFL franchises to model their cooking after.
Quickfire: In what might be the best example of brutally unsubtle product placement porn this season, each of the remaining cooks was required to take a random cooking element and combine it with — no, not Diet Dr. Pepper — Quaker Oats. Padma instructed them to "rethink this supergrain," but didn't seem quite as upset about this preposterous statement as the Super Bowl one. Guest judge Scott Conant, of the Meatpacking District's Scarpetta, served as resident chef who tries far too hard to be a dickhead. (We talked about this last week.)
Fabio drew "vegetables," which led to him offering the timeless quote that serves as this post's headline. (A few people told me they found it apropos that he dropped this gem during The Week Without Meat, but I feel as though it's important to offer up this distinction: It's not like I'm obsessed with meat/fish and despise vegetables. I love both. I just like them together at the same time.) Stefan pulled it out once again with an oat-laced banana mousse. He got love for his desserts during Restaurant Wars, too. For all his gruff alphamale grandstanding, that dude is kind of sweet.
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| OK, leave your best football/sex double entrendre in the comments. |
Elimination: This was one of the most schematically fucked competitions I've ever seen on Top Chef, but it was partially saved by the sheer novelty of carting a bunch of past contestants back on to ruffle the Season 5ers/sop up some more cable TV face time. The game: Each squad huddled up and assigned individual chefs to one of several NFL teams. They were then required to develop a dish inspired by that team's geographical region and cook it, head to head against a past-season opponent, in front of a live audience. If the four judges liked your dish better, your team got 7 points; then they threw it out to a bunch of randoms in the audience to either serve as a 3-point "field goal" addendum or a tiebreaker. Neat it's so much like football. Padma even wore ref stripes.
Stefan's Quickfire win granted him the privilege of picking a team and an opponent, so he went with the Dallas Cowboys and Season 1 crunchyhippielady Andrea. The rest of them were paired off according to team.
Jamie beat dead-behind-the-eyes Season 3 chick Camille with a San Franny crab cioppino. Season 4's Nikki fell in a New York Giants battle to Leah. She clearly does not want to be on the show anymore after grossly sucking gross face with Hosea, who topped Season 1 fat jolly dude Miguel in an incredibly boring Seattle Seahawks seafood battle. Challenge winner Carla zapped Season 4 ADHD sufferer Andrew with a how-did-that-work 20-minute gumbo dish.
As for the losers — Stefan was defeated by crunchyhippielady, probably because he decided to include a fussy piece of roasted pork and corn salad (?!) on a plate meant to represent the food of Texas. No one told Fabio that putting a shitload of cheddar cheese on his salad might be too literal of an interpretation of Green Bay. (Severely overcooking venison didn't help, either. Where were the brats at?) Jeff's Miami Dolphins-inspired rock shrimp ceviche with sangria ice was narrowly edged out by Season 2er Josie's dish, which was the exact same shit except warm.
Jeff got axed, which sucks because I generally enjoyed his hair-flipping deadpan assessments of things. A necessary move, though, as Stefan is far too good-TV-combative to leave and Fabio is just so goddamn foreign/charming.
Next week: Eric Ripert makes the chefs screw with live eels, then laughs in a self-satisfied manner.
[...] apologies for the delay with this recap. Last week was a bear!First things first: Jeff, who was eliminated in Episode 10, told people.com that he felt the show used him as “some kind of sex object.” I love [...]
[...] a near-win for the “Last Supper” elimination. Also, remember how she took the win in Episode 10 with a gumbo she somehow pulled off in 20 minutes? The final challenge is taking place in New [...]
The i "heart" foie t-shirt that Patrick is wearing on the reunion special is available at www.savorygusto.com. The packaging is awesome.. the shirts comes wrapped like a deli sandwich and with a bag of chips! I gave a few as gifts to Top Chef (foie) fans! There are other culinary themed shirts as well. Check it out. Cute site!
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About a year ago at this time, I was somehow asked, along with Foobooz's Art Etchells, to be a judge on an episode of Throwdown with Bobby Flay. Prior to the taping, which took place at Collingswood's excellent Pop Shop, two of the producers pulled Art and I aside to go over some particulars. Most of the stuff was solid but benign advice — smile, act natural, speak up, etc. But they did share one nugget of info that I remember finding particularly humorous: They basically instructed us not to act like total dickbags.
A few Throwdown judges in the past, they told us, saw their .2 seconds of cable TV exposure as an opportunity to make their critical bones, and proceeded to tear apart the dishes of the competitor(s), Flay, and in some cases both participants. Not because the food sucked, necessarily, but just because they could act like snitty sonsofbitches and get away with it. Needless to say, the producers were forced to reshoot segments in these cases until they were able to capture the fam-friendly quips that so characterize the Food Network program.
This phenomenon, of course, is not unique to TV, but it certainly comes up a lot on Top Chef. The show's guest judges, regardless of their roles in the industry, often seem like they're forcing the cruelty just because they can. (This also seems to apply to Toby Young, but that's an issue for another post.) The distinction here is that I'm guessing TC's producers take the exact opposite approach of Throwdown's: They gotta be convincing their judges to act as farcically inhumane as possible. That's why I was amped on the fact that Philly's Stephen Starr represented us so well on last night's much-anticipated Restaurant Wars (RW) episode.
Quickfire: The remaining eight cheftestants were asked to develop a dish that would serve as a microcosm of a specific restaurant concept. The top two dishes, they learned, would be designated as the captains of the RW teams. Here's where the Starrchild came in. Instead of smarmily slamming everyone's plates with disgusted one-liners (paging Jean-Christophe Novelli), he simply told the chefs whether or not he liked their stuff. "I don't think I'm going to be going into business with you, buddy," he told Jeff. Jeff was like "Alright." Fabio tried to weave some sort of precious multi-course dealie that featured tuna and swordfish carpaccio, a roasted vegetable salad and a filet mignon sandwich all on one plate. Starr looked at the latter item and made us proud by saying that it was "a cheesesteak." The Italian countered by attaching the "high-end" descriptor to his offering. (You think filet makes it high-end? Do your research, Fab!) Steve's two faves: Radhika, who's won about a million Quickfires; and Leah, who, along with Gross Couple partner Hosea, sucks.
Elimination: RW always makes for the most compelling episode of the Top Chef season for one simple reason — when you give a bunch of Type A knife jockeys less than one day to see an entire restaurant from concept to fruition, EVERYTHING WILL GO TERRIBLY WRONG. It's brilliant. Rad's teammates — Carla, Jeff and Jamie — settled on an "old spice trade" restaurant called Sahana. Leah, ew-gross-they-kissed-ew Hosea, Fabio and Stefan ran with a concept called Sunset Lounge, which sounds like it would be a place that relies heavily on the use of raw bean sprouts and Smart Balance.
Sahana was a terrible dining experience for the judges, as front-of-the-house leader Rad decided it would make more sense to have a series of panic attacks in the kitchen than care for her guests. Though they liked the curried carrot soup with smoked paprika oil at the outset ("I like the cucumber thing at the end that I'm getting," said Starr; hey, that's how we talk, too!), the rest of the dishes had problems, culminating with the unmitigated disaster that was Carla's not-frozen frozen yogurt. Oops. ("I wanted to shake her really hard," Starr would later say of Carla's limp judges' table defense of the dessert. Same!)
Sunset went considerably better on the service end, with the unflappable Fabio charming the pants off everyone ever — including Starr, who gave him a nice lil' man-wink — by managing to make himself sound even more foreign than usual. Impressive. Then came the controversial snafu that resulted in this week's elimination being not so cut and dry: Leah served a bunch of people severely undercooked fish. I was talking to my dude Emynd about this earlier: Yes, Radhika completely screwed up the front of the house and Carla served a goopy dessert. But are those worse offenses than potentially hospitalizing a dinner guest? I would say no — but that's irrelevant, since Sunset took it thanks to Fabio's people skills and solo winner Stefan's stellar dessert.
Radhika ended up packing her knives. At first blush, this seems fair for two reasons — 1) she seems poised to become a celebrity chef, and to be successful in that role, you need to be able to work a room; and 2) one of the prizes for winning Top Chef is a chunk of cash to open your own spot, which also requires talents beyond behind the line. But did she trot a potentially hazardous entrée out the kitchen door? Nope.
Let's hear what you thought about the elimination in the comments.
Agreed! Leah is unbearably lame. Maybe next week. I was personally bummed out there was nary a mention of the fact the Philly is in fact Starr's HQ.
great stuff drew and you hit the nail on the head with how awesome starr was tonite. i really liked how starr called toby "rough" when toby said the israeli couscous tasted like dishwater. toby almost looked ashamed. i do like carla and i think it was partially not her fault as to her stuff falling apart, where as radhika...well, it was allll her fault. but at least carla sent her food out with some love, haha. this whole leah/hosea thing needs to stop. i think she's next to go next week.
While true that getting someone sick is definitely worse than simply disappointing someone. I was surprised that Carla got yet another pass. I mean, each week she has been not so on top of her game and talking about 'love'. Other than desserts (not like I can make a pastry to save my life) what has she done lately? Eh.
Did anyone else find it disappointing that there was NO mention of Starr's Philadelphia roots? They described him as the successful owner of Buddakan and Morimoto IN NEW YORK. No mention of the fact that they started here. I thought that was lame, though I did think he was a good judge.
I agree with the frustration of lack of mention for Philly. I also find it interesting that in past season's restaurant wars, the head chefs frequently took too much of the blame for general problems and often went home because of it (e.g., Tre). In this case, the 2 head chefs truly deserved to be sent home for poor performance.
[...] Stephen Starr Talks ‘Top Chef’, Guest Judging [Eater] Top Chef Season 5: Episode 9 [Meal Ticket/City Paper] [...]
Yes, the complete disregard for Starr's Philly credentials was weird. Adam Erace discusses it best here.
The best part of the episode was when Fabio essentially said he could sell shit in a bucket. And he's right. I don't think he'll last that much longer, but he and Stefan need to take their mutual Euro-love fest on the road and open up a restaurant together. Stefan's a dick and Fabio the most charming cliche you'll ever see on TV.
For how much I enjoy the restaurant wars episodes, I was very unmotivated to see this episode. Now I don't have to!
I have been to several Starr restaurants in Philly and I always left thinking that the restaurant was absolutely beautiful, but the food was just "eh". What he said about Carla made me laugh. Maybe SS has to go into his own kitchens and shake a few chefs.
[...] [...]
[...] Starr made his first appearance on Bravo’s Top Chef during Season 5’s Restaurant Wars episode. For Top Chef Las Vegas, he sat at the Final Table during last night’s finale episode. Meal [...]
Above, check out a preview clip of tonight's Quickfire Challenge, which features the cheftestants preparing dishes for Philly's own Stephen Starr. What exactly is Hosea, aka one half of Gross Couple, thinking calling the restaurateur "one of the highest-regarded chefs in America"? Not that I doubt Steve could throw down in the kitchen.
The episode airs on Bravo tonight at 10 p.m. There's a slight chance I may be late with my usual Thursday episode recap, as LOST is returning tonight with a two-hour season premiere. Yes, I am one of those people.
[...] down ducks, which came first: hard times or egg salad, gastropubs poised to scoop up serious chefs• Stephen Starr on tonight's Top Chef• Where'd I just eat lunch?• THE MEAL TICKET INTERVIEW: Marc Vetri• S & H [...]
With the exception of a very welcome appearance by my favorite Top Chef, Season 3 winner Hung, this was the suckiest episode in recent memory. The number one reason: The spiritless "farm to table" theme haphazardly driven home by the cheftestants' visit to Dan Barber's Blue Hill at Stone Barns in upstate New York.
< illadvisedrant >
No disrespect to Chef Barber and Co., but their inclusion in this episode caused me to stew over my biggest (admittedly tangential) pet peeve about the excruciating "locavore" trend. Are local/sustainable/organic ingredients great? Absolutely — they taste excellent. I'm just sick of A) people who go out of their way to pat themselves on the back because they think it's impressive that they've come to this utterly obvious realization ("Hey everyone, I rule because I use fresh ingredients! Look how amazing and socially conscious and green I am!"); and B) smug diners/home cooks who look down on people who buy lettuce from Shop-Rite instead of exclusively sourcing from a central Vermont-based microgreen farmer who fertilizes his crops with fossilized pterodactyl droppings that he spreads across his fields in the pattern of a Tibetan sand mandala.
Please don't get me wrong — I'm all about locally sourced, farm-fresh ingredients. I think you should use them whenever possible. But just know that I'm going to give you shit the second you start behaving like the epicurean equivalent of those self-important douches who think they're singlehandedly preserving humanity by driving their kids to riding lessons in a Toyota Prius. It's food. If it tastes good, eat it and stop looking for a medal of valor. (This is not the first time I've said my piece about this — 13th down.)
< /illadvisedrant >
Quickfire: This challenge, which Hung oversaw, gave the chefs 15 minutes to create a delicious morsel — using only canned, pre-fab ingredients (THE HORROR! NEED ... ORGANIC ... BUTTERNUT SQUASH ... TO SURVIVE). I personally loved this task because it featured copious amounts of Spam, the Filipino household staple that people like to hate on even though they've never tried it. Trust me, it's a godlike product — as evidenced by Hosea making the top three for his Spam 'n' sweet pea soup, as well as Stefan's immunity win for his Spam-ified baked bean soup and Velveeta grilled cheese. Hung knows the deal.
Elimination: After being split up into three separate groups — pork, lamb and chicken — the chefs traveled to the afoermentioned Blue Hills to cook a family-style lunch, for a crunchy local/sustainable crew, using products fresh off the farmstead. "This is totally the food I do," Jamie said. Scallop fields on yonder! After some uninspired moaning and groaning from Tom, Padma, Toby and a few people who looked like they'd just gotten back from watching The Wizard of Oz on mute with Dark Side of the Moon playing the background, Team Chicken — The Duchess of Scallopshire, Stefan and dessert master Carla (who's really grown on me) — earned a three-fer win for their simple pollo menu. (Did anyone else notice that Stefan seemed to establish a deep spiritual connection with the live chicken he was cradling during their farm tour?)
Though Team Pork (our dude Jeff got a lot of face time) was tsk-tsked for a few misgivings, Team Lamb — Ariane, Hosea and the increasingly irritating Leah — ended up in the bottom three. As expected, the Gross Couple, BOTH OF WHOM HAVE SIGNIFICANT OTHERS, turned their gross backs on Ariane at judges' table, which seemed to contribute to the sweetheart Jersey mom's dismissal.
True, Ariane didn't know how to properly butcher the lamb or tie it up so the meat roasted evenly in the oven — but she openly admitted her lack of expertise in that particular area, while Leah and Hosea openly admitted that they possessed such experience. Instead of working as a team to try and stay off the chopping block, Gross Couple let her fuck things up, with every intention of placing the blame squarely on her if it came down to it. Yeah yeah, I know you often have to play dirty on reality TV. It was just especially noxious this week, namely because Ariane is so likable and Gross Couple is so not.
Oh well. I'm confident Ariane has a future in TV. Like Gail, she's got a nice balance of expertise and approachability. Catch you on Food Network, girl.
NEXT WEEK: Restaurant Wars!
Leah and Hosea should be poked with red-hot forks for throwing Ariane under the bus like that. If I had to work in either of those drips' restaurant I'd hide all their side towels and fleur de sel. Cook now, Smuggos!
I don't remember exactly what they said, but the pun on Whole Foods was a bit lame.
Clint: It was something along the lines of "This is a different kind of whole food!" Everyone snickered. I threw a vat of partially hydrogenated soybean oil at my TV.
leah needed to get booted out this week. it was plainly ridiculous that ariane was sent home. complete b.s. i've never seen leah cook anything decent and, while i know the judges just judge on that one particular elimination challenge, leah did less then nothing to make that meal. rahdika got crap because she made a salad, so why was that ignored? craziness.
Hosea seems like he came from a really big Evangelical Christian family and spent/spends a lot of time in youth groups.....
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