Bell Curve: CP's Quality-o-Life Meter for Feb. 23

A good week for dangle Phanatics.

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Bell Curve: CP's Quality-o-Life Meter for Feb. 23

POSTED: Thursday, February 23, 2012, 1:45 PM

[-2] Buzz Bissinger writes an impassioned article in the New York Times saying that the Inquirer and Daily News could lose their journalistic integrity if Ed Rendell’s investor group buys them. He concludes by threatening to add all the “sick sex stuff” to the Kindle version of A Prayer for the City

[-2] Darrell Clarke says he planned to eliminate the City Council tradition of not holding a session during the week of a federal holiday, but there was a miscommunication this time around. Also this is his last cigarette, his diet starts tomorrow and he’ll put The Wire in his queue, just lay off.

[0] Rendell says he’s willing to consider a pledge or outside review to avoid newsroom tampering, and would be fine with the newspapers writing stories critical of him. “Nothing sticks to me anyway,” he says. “Except Velcro, of course. Right now I’ve got a watch band, a messenger bag and some kid’s sneaker all stuck to my back.”

[+3] After being told not to write about the possible sale, journalists at both papers sign a petition against censorship in the newsroom. Among the co-signers are Joe SixPack, The Stinkmeister, the guy who hands out pictures of his balls as gifts, Stu Bykofsky and — Dammit. Can’t read the rest. A giant pop-up ad is in the way. Now it’s wiggling so we can’t click on the little x.   

[-4] A 17-year-old girl is tazed in the head during a fight near Overbrook High School. By coincidence: Tazed in the Head plays Connie’s Ric-Rac tonight with Pukemon, Carl Greene’s Grabby Hands and The Bicycle Gropers.

[+1] The Phillies believe their new Phanatic Dangle Hat will be the team’s best selling souvenir this season. “Contrary to the rumors, this item is not a hat that looks like a big fuzzy green Phanatic penis,” sighs spokesman. “This is a small fuzzy green hat you put on your penis, during rainouts and such.” 

[-2] A naked man is arrested in a Chester County Walmart. He shrugs. “Guess they’re not dangle fanatics.” 

This week’s total: -6 | Last week’s total: -1   

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