Bell Curve: CP's Quality-O-Life Meter for April 5

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Bell Curve: CP's Quality-O-Life Meter for April 5

POSTED: Thursday, April 5, 2012, 1:00 PM

[-4] Around 25,000 Philadelphia children were removed from Medicaid at the end of 2011 as part of a statewide effort to eliminate patients with outdated paperwork. “If these children want healthcare they should be willing to fight for it,” says Gov. Corbett. “May the odds be ever in your favor, little girl with brittle bones.”

[-1]  The Inquirer, Daily News and philly.com are sold for the fourth time in six years, this time for $55 million, a little better than one tenth of what it sold for in 2006. You may recognize the new owners from Storage Wars. 

[+1] “We do not want to run the newspapers,” says one of the new owners of Philadelphia Media Network, Lewis Katz. “We want to merely own them for the benefit of our community.” Adding: “Please buy my new book on management: Leading With Faint Praise and Barely Detectable Enthusiasm, available now at, eh, wherever.”

[0] March was the most profitable month to date for Pennsylvania slot machines. Well shit. I guess that’s why we’re all so upbeat and bubby around here.

[-2] The latest polls have Santorum ahead of Romney in the Pennsylvania primary later this month. “I’m not used to the lead,” says Santorum. “I prefer to come from behind, you know? Slip through the cracks. Really mix shit up.”

[0]  Members of local motorcycle clubs The Pagans and Tribe are told they can proceed with their lawsuit defending their right to wear their “colors” while riding in New Jersey. “Ok, fine,” says judge. “You guys wanna wear blues and blacks at the same time, it’s your fashion nightmare. But please: What’s with the apostrophe? It says ‘Pagan’s Motorcycle Club’ on the backs of your smart little sleeveless denim blazers. Now, unless there is only one Pagan, then — ow ow ow.”

[+1]  NJ Gov. Chris Christie fires off several exuberant tweets from a Springsteen concert in Philly. “Just crushed like 7 ppl while crowdsurfing--LOLZ!”

[0] Gov. Corbett makes moves toward privatizing the Pennsylvania Lottery. He comes home to find an anonymous threat gnawed into his front door: “Do not fuck with me, dude. Do not. Or I swear to the gods I will burrow into your chest cavity and keep on scratching.”

This week’s total: 2 | Last week’s total: 2

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