So apparently, there's this thing in Philadelphia called The Bulletin, which bills iftself as this city's “family newspaper” (read: Jesus). And today, this paper — which, I mean, does it even have a print edition? Has anyone ever seen this thing? — probably had its hit count octupled or whatever when Gawker picked up on one of its op-eds, written by someone named Jane Gilvary and titled “Skinny Jeans, John Wayne and the Feminization of America.”

Let's take this bit by bit, shall we?

TUESDAY, AUGUST 24, 2010
Despite what feminists might argue, real men don't wear skinny jeans. Real men also don't wear V-neck tees, or accessorized scarves, and they avoid purple and pink like the plague. The mere idea of a pedicure or waxing makes a real man nauseous. If a woman hangs out with this kind of girly-man routinely, it's only because she wants to share his wardrobe and his non-fat caramel macchiato. A woman can't imagine a man reloading his double barrel shotgun or chopping wood when he's donned in Donna Karan and drinking an Appletini. Men were meant to wear rugged Wranglers, leather jackets and boots, like they belong in a James Dean movie and not an episode of “Will & Grace.”

Where to begin? If I wear a V-neck to the gym (true)? Or, what if my wife makes me get the occasional pedi — she'd make me get a mani, too, but i bite my nails, so what's the point? — because she thinks my toes look disgusting (also true)? I have neither chopped wood nor shot a double-barrel in my life, but then again I don't spit tobacco juice or live in a trailer, either. Also, James Dean? Gay.

And really, leather jackets are the sign of masculinity? Really?

When did men in America go from being masculine steak-eating, plaid shirt wearing, Old Spice smelling, cigar smoking cowboys who like football, hunting, and Clint Eastwood movies to skinny jean wearing, satchel carrying, pierced ear metrosexuals who like chick flicks, “The View,” and Bath & Bodyworks? The American man is an endangered species due in large part to the over-feminization of society.

The steak industry is doing quite well, thank you very much, but we as a collective gender have decided we'd like to live a bit longer, so we're cutting back on the red meat. Sorry if that makes us, you know, a bit girly. I'm sure you'd rather have a sack of gassy fatness trying to sex you up for three minutes once a month or so, but this health thing has sorta taken off, what with the lower cholesterol and longevity and whatnot. Oh, and tobacco — not sure if you've heard — but there's that cancer thing. And hunting? Well, if seeing a man blast a helpless deer or whatever with a rifle gets you off, Jane, perhaps that says more about you than us.

Not surprisingly, the arrow of blame points towards the feminists who have transformed our schools into gender neutral zones of indoctrination. Early on, boys' innate masculinity is suppressed by banning competitive, rough games like dodge ball and tag on the playground, having co-ed teams, not keeping score in soccer games, and rewarding passive, demure behavior.

I've seen nothing about the purported prohibitions on dodgeball and tag; and pretty much every high school divides its sports teams by gender, at least around here. But hey, I'll give you the benefit of the doubt. Damn feminists, striving for gender equality and all.

Boys learn to subdue their more spirited, intrepid behavior in elementary and middle school, their male instincts of competition and individualism quashed in the interest of what's best for girls as they walk like lemmings over the edge of the radical feminist cliff by the time they reach high school. Because of the feminist movement, boys aren't allowed to be boys - society has fenced them in, corralled their adventurous enthusiasm in the name of sexual equality. The end product is pantywaist pushovers who will cry during “Steel Magnolias” and urinate sitting down. This is bad news for America, who will eventually have to reap what the feminists have sown, which will be a paucity of male leaders, entrepreneurs, scientists and heroes.

I know of precisely no dudes who piss sitting down — even the gay ones. As for the paucity of male leaders, a.) doubt it and b.) even if true, men have had a pretty good run these last few million years, and you know, we've fucked things up plenty. Maybe it's time to give the females a turn?

Phyllis Schlafly, President of Eagle Forum, reports in “Where Are the Men?” that the ratio of males to females on college campuses has swung from 60-40 to 40-60, with 58 percent of women earning degrees from four-year colleges. In the coming years, this will severely impact the American family who have traditionally relied upon the father as the primary breadwinner.

Women are going to college and earning money is bad why? Also, other thing Schlafly has said: “What I am defending is the real rights of women. A woman should have the right to be in the home as a wife and mother.” Translation: Barefoot and pregnant, bitches.

It is simply foolish to think that America can prosper without men, but New York Times columnist and radical feminist Maureen Dowd suggests the opposite. Mr. Dowd is the author of Are Men Necessary? When Sexes Collide in which she opines and whines about the current state of feminism and questions the value of a woman pursuing a male mate.

Hollywood is also doing its part to marginalize and diminish the role of men in this society. In the Academy Award-winning movie “Juno,” a teenage girl is faced with an unplanned pregnancy after a night of casual, meaningless sex with her friend Paulie. Juno not only ignores Paulie after they have sex but overtly excludes him from any decisions about whether or not to choose abortion over life. To the viewer, Paulie is a non-factor, a by-stander incapable of taking charge, unable to rescue Juno and stand firm in his fatherhood, albeit unplanned. Feminists just love a movie that glamourizes teenage pregnancy and deprecates the male role in conception.

Agreed. Juno should have gotten an abortion. But then it would have been a really short movie. Or maybe, her school should have spent some time teaching Paulie how to put on a rubber. But then there would have been no movie. And also: it was a movie.

In Jennifer Aniston's new movie “The Switch,” she plays an unmarried 40 year old who decides that she doesn't need a man to have a baby, and, instead, turns to artificial insemination of a donor's sperm - even throwing a “Getting Pregnant” party to celebrate with her friends. The male roles in the movie are those of sperm donors, with Aniston's character firm in her belief that a woman doesn't need a man to conceive and rear a child. The implicit message of this movie is that men are not important in the raising and nurturing of children. Their biological contribution to conception is where their role begins and ends.

Unfortunately, this kind of thinking has become the norm rather than the exception in American culture.

Turkey baster babies are the norm, now?

Feminists' dogged efforts to have society view men and women as being the same instead of different but equal have paid off. The rotten fruits of their endeavors are manifest in statistics recently released by The Heritage Foundation which reports that, in 2008, a record 40 percent of babies born in the U.S. were born to unwed mothers compared to about 3 percent in 1929.

We should clearly return to the days when women were regarded as their husbands' property. There were no divorces then. And if we just took to stoning single mothers, as do our friends in the Taliban, we could get rid of that problem, too.

American men aren't men anymore because feminists have equated maleness with everything that's repugnant and have molded men to be more like women. Feminists have slayed the real man by suppressing his desires for adventure, beauty, and competition, his yearning for greatness and excitement. John Wayne once said, “I'm the stuff men are made of.” America needs more John Waynes.

In 1971, John Wayne said this in an interview with Playboy: “I believe in white supremacy until blacks are educated to a point of responsibility.”

Jane Gilvary is a freelance writer and a red, white, and blue conservative from the City of Brotherly Love. She loves Jesus, Johnny Cash, and the U.S. Constitution.

Fine. I'll close with this comment from one of Gawker's readers, which I think sums up nicely:

From Thunderclees:

Dear Jane Gilvary,

Make me a sandwich, and shake it a little while you're doin' it. Less of this writing garbage and more blowjobs, thankyouverymuch.

Sincerely,

Your Idea of What A Real Man Is

Right On. I do have to say she seems very intellectual though - she must impress all of her other friends when they get together.... After they have interrupted their husbands from chopping wood and punching Nazi's in the face to ask for permission. I wonder how many of these men that she doesn't consider men will have contributed to the technologies that help her spew her stupid opinion, or the ones that will shortly be keeping her old ass alive longer.

[...] Philadelphia Citypaper (blog) [...] 

I believe Eric Cartman paraphrased this woman's entire argument when he barked: "get in the kitchen and make me a pie.

My condolences to the man (or, should I say faux-man) who had the lack of spine required to say 'I do' to a woman like Jane Gilvary.



Condolences, my brother.  Condolences.  Big time.



"Saturday Nights at The Gilvary Residence" should be a reality TV show.



On the Idiot Channel.

Jane must have the hottest rape fantasies.

[...] Jane, you ignorant slut :: The Clog :: Blog Archive :: Staff Blog :: Philadelphia City Paper [...] 

johnny cash never made any explicitly partisan endorsements, but anyone who's listened to the lyrics to "the man in black" or who has read any of Johnny's writing about prison, being a christian, and poverty gets a good idea where he stood.  And while I won't pretend to speak for the dead, I highly doubt he would have embraced Gilvary's wingnutty beliefs. Shit, even Merle Haggard would tell this dunce to jump in a lake: he endorsed Hilary Clinton. Wrote a whole song about it.

[...] Jane, you ignorant slut :: The Clog :: Blog Archive :: Staff Blog … [...]