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ActiVman
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He's strong, confident, handsome — some say well-endowed. But who is ActiVman? What does he stand for? These questions have long begged answers — until today.
Background: I first encountered ActiVman myself when purchasing a $7 pair of "ActiVman" brand long underwear from a dollar store on Market St. I was struck instantly by the figure cut by ActiVman on the product's packaging. He looked so serious, so intense — wearing his long underwear with such purpose that he seemed wrapped instead in some inscrutable riddle. Captivated, I brought the image to CP's crack Design team. Using sophisticated analytics, Design came to a groundbreaking theory: ActiVman's face, they suggested, may inf act be that of Mel Gibson — "pasted" (again, using sophisticated computer technologies) onto someone else's body.
Clearly, we had to go to the source. CP presents an exclusive interview with the enigma himself: ActiVman.
CP: ActiVman, you've been called everything from a model to a superhero to an imposter. Who is ActiVman?
ActiVman: I am.
CP: I guess what I meant by that question is how you came to be —
ActiVman: What is the Clog?
CP: Fair enough, but —
ActiVman: What is the sky? What is the solar system?
CP: ActiVman, it's been suggested that you are, in fact Mel Gibson — or that you have effectively stolen Mel Gibson's face. Can you clear up the record for us?
ActiVman: Maybe Mel Gibson stole ActiVman's face. Did you think of that?
CP: But are you suggesting Mel Gibson, the famous actor, somehow "pasted" your face onto his?
ActiVman: Thou hast said it.
CP: ActiVman, why long underwear?
ActiVman: Why the Clog? Why the sky? Why —
CP: Right. Are you following the midterms at all, and do you have a horse in this race?
ActiVman: ActiVman has no horse, period.
CP: It seems you'll be leaving this interview as mysterious as when you arrived. Would you just —
ActiVman: The fact that Harrisburg failed to pass a tax on natural gas production calls into question the basic validity of Pennsylvania's government. The public interest has been so clearly trumped by industry dollars that Commonwealth citizens should be crying foul from the highest peaks of the Appalachians to the rocky Allegheny Mountains. Foul I say!
CP: I had no idea you followed Pennsylvania politics so passionately.
ActiVman: I am ActiVman.
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