From President Obama’s history-making thumbs-up for gay marriage to the subsequent wave of support from folks like Jay-Z and the writers of Marvel Comics (superhero Northstar will marry his boyfriend in the June 20 issue), allies have been coming out in droves to knock down barriers standing in the way of gay rights. So it’s only natural we persuade our hetero friends to attend Sunday’s Pride (phillypride.org) festivities. Here are the top five reasons they’d have a fabulous time:
5. Hot Dudes Galore: Whether they have a taste for the mellower, clean-cut types on the sidelines or the half-naked beefcakes riding the floats, straight girls will have more than enough manmeat to ogle at the parade through Wash West — plus, these guys are full of compliments and they won’t try to bone them later.
4. Available Chicks: Behind every gay man is a young, vivacious fag hag looking for a straight man who will actually bone her later.
3. Fashion You Won’t Find in Vogue: Philly’s drag queens pull out all the style stops for Pride, transforming the city into a giant runway of dazzling gowns, luxurious locks and heels big enough to cradle a newborn babe. The chance you’ll have to face an annoying size 0? Practically nil.
2. Star Power: You can tell your friends you saw Wendy Williams, Cher, Tina Turner and Prince performing at the parade-concluding festival at Penn’s Landing. OK, the latter three are very convincing drag performers from the group Divas in a Man’s World, but Instagram pics tell lies.
1. We’re All Family: The more support we generate, the more likely we’ll be able to throw an even bigger bash in 2013. Go gays!