[-1] A Warrington man pleads guilty to building three pipe bombs that he said he used for hunting bears. And this solves the Mystery of the Bears That Fucking Exploded.

[+3] Ori Feibush, a business owner in Point Breeze, spends $20,000 to remove 40 tons of debris from a vacant lot owned by the city. “My babies! They’re all gone,” sobs Karen, a stinking, rotting trash monster. “Will no one stand up to this trespassing bastard?”

[-4] The Philadelphia Redevelopment Authority threatens legal action against Feibush. “Bless you, soul less bureaucrats,” says Karen, who exhales flies as she talks. “Why don’t you bring all that paperwork over here and make a baby with me?” 

[+1] The Mayor’s office launches the Philly311 app which people can use to file complaints and to get alerts when the issue is solved. Or never, whichever comes first.

[0] The Philly311 app competes with Councilman Bobby Henon’s similar CityHall app released in April. Henon’s is at a distinct disadvantage in that all requests are being filtered by Jake “the Snake” Roberts. 

[+2] As the number of bicyclists has increased in Philadelphia, the number of bike crashes and deaths has decreased. Imagine how safe we’d all be with no cars. </bykofsky troll bait> 

[+2] PBS personality Tavis Smiley and Princeton professor Cornel West’s “Poverty Tour” makes a stop at a North Philadelphia Baptist church. They were delighted by the poor turnout.

[-1] A car knocks a trolley off its tracks in Northern Liberties. And becomes a hero to all cars.

[+2] Yuengling takes the title of largest American-owned brewery from Boston Beer Co., maker of Sam Adams. Bostonians kidnap a panda they believe to be Mr. Yuengling and release a video of their demands, which is still being translated. Everyone in Boston is dumb.

This week’s total: +4  |  Last week’s total: -9