[-2] Philly experiences its first freezing temperatures of the season. “More like global colding,” says philly.com commenter shutyourliberalhole99. It’s his 1,000th dumb fuckin’ post. Congrats, guy.

[-2] Two men ram a stolen Camaro into a cop car in North Philly, start a car chase and later escape on foot. And that’s why The Dead Milkmen show started a little bit late.

[+1] The School District is hoping to win a Race to the Top grant to give students tablets and other high-tech educational tools. But chances are they’ll have to settle for the ol’ Slumping toward the Middle prize: a couple refurbed Mac Minis, some calculators, maybe a case of Red Bull.

[0] The Port Richmond man who called in a bomb threat on his friend’s ex is charged with “falsely reporting a threat against an airplane.” Poor little guy is terrified. He gets one wheel on the runway and rolls right back to the hangar, crying his eyes out.

[0] The School District reopens some of its full-service cafeterias but most schools still serve meals made out of state. Sorry, that should say “slate.” The children are eating rocks. We will fix that typo for the web.

[+1] Police Commissioner Charles Ramsey denies a promotion to two cops accused of wrongdoing in the Daily News. Then he calls for Andy Reid to be fired and requests a meeting with Dogbert. 

[+1] Bruce Springsteen calls New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie to thank him for the way he handled the hurricane. “I feel just like Courtney Cox right now,” beams Christie.

[+3] SEPTA sends buses to help New Jersey commuters get into NYC while the trains are being repaired. And then it’s, like, “You know what? Keep them.”

[-3] People who live near the Divine Lorraine are surprised to find their homes no longer exist on the developer’s “revitalization” plans for the area. “To make an omelet,” says developer, “you’ve got to pave right over people’s memories. Maybe build an exclusive fitness club, or a cute little café.”

This week’s total: -1  |  Last week’s total: -8