[+1] A local man reports seeing a cigar-shaped UFO near the airport. And dreaming about a train going through a tunnel. And thinking about boobs.

[0] A small number of Philly cops moonlight as Olde City Paranormal, a group that investigates ghosts. And sometimes roughs them up a little. 

[0] According to a Daily News article, Olde City Paranormal has recorded disembodied voices saying, “Mommy, I’m here” and “F--- you!” And sometimes: “I’m not disembodied, I’m your child. I’m right here. Can you take off that dumb fucking proton pack and drive me to soccer practice?”

[+1] Camden officials say they will not remove the hand-painted crosses that have been placed in front of Camden City Hall to mourn the city’s rising homicide toll. “Hell, we’d put a giant mural of Mohammed out there if we thought it would help,” they say. “For the record: We know it would not.”

[+5] Children’s Hospital surgeons successfully separate 8-month-old conjoined twins. Against the Mütter Museum’s advice.

[+1] Mayor Nutter denies rumors that he would leave to take a job in the Obama administration. Also claims he’d refuse the cash if he won the lottery, turn down a ride in a spaceship if one landed at his house and that he absolutely doesn’t want the last piece of pizza because, no, you go ahead.

[-1] Around 330 workers at the Hostess plant in Northeast Philly walk off the job as part of a national bakers’ union strike. Informed that squeezing corn-syrup-and-palm-oil slurry into the shape of a cupcake doesn’t constitute “baking,” they soon slump back to their posts.

[+3] Two gunmen who hold up a Rite Aid in the Northeast are caught, thanks to a GPS tracking device in one of the stolen pill bottles. “Lucky for you guys I can’t get anywhere without my Garmin,” an anthropomorphic bottle of Advil Liqui-Gels tells police. “Now do me a favor? Don’t tell those Olde City Paranormal dudes about me? I’ve been through enough.”

 This week’s total: +10  |  Last week’s total: -1