[-3] Despite $7.1 million dollars spent over the last decade to upgrade Philadelphia Police technology, some cops are still using typewriters. “We like it this way,” says one cop. “It keeps things gritty and hard-boiled. Why, just look at this incident report about a mook publicly urinatin’ in plain sight of a dame outside neighborhood gin joint Dave & Buster’s.”
[+2] This year’s Philadelphia Marathon was billed as the greenest ever, with compostable drinking cups, nontoxic port-a-potties and a Chevy Volt leading the runners around the course. And for next year they’re working on the logistics of doing it without the car.
[-3] The owners of Josie, the well-known parrot stolen from a porch in Nicetown, say she was likely taken by jealous haters. Bet it was those jerks from nearby Port Jealousy or Haterton.
[+1] North Philly drug dealer “Scarface Kev” gets 20 to 40 years for a 2008 incident in which he announced, “If you’re looking for me, they call me ‘Scarface Kev,’” before shooting a rival dealer. Witnesses recognized him because of his scarface. And the hat that says Kev on it. And also, the part where he said his name out loud right before he shot that guy.
[+4] In addition to reining in Philly’s scofflaw bicyclists, the proposed “Complete Streets” bill would fine drivers for parking in bike lanes and opening street-side doors without checking. “We will enforce these laws vigorously,” Police Chief Charles Ramsey says with a straight face.
[-2] Sixers center Andrew Bynum may have re-injured his already damaged knees while bowling. “It’s my fault for trying to play defense,” says Bynum.
[+2] The Rodin Museum says attendance is up thanks to renovations and the installation of the Barnes Museum nearby. “Of course, we don’t charge admission, so I guess it doesn’t matter,” sighs a Rodin docent. Then he strips naked, sits down and rests his chin on his knuckles. “Why don’t we charge admission?”
This week’s total: +1 | Last week’s total: +10
