The proposed “Turn Around, Don’t Drown” bill would require Pennsylvania residents who need to be rescued from their cars during floods to pay a fine. You may know it by its other name, “Save Money, Drown.”
 The Inquirer and Daily News move to their new offices in the Gallery at Eighth and Market. Meet all your favorite columnists at the custom T-shirt kiosk.
[-3] Former head of the Barnes Foundation Kim-berly Camp hints that the museum’s sup-posed financial woes were a ruse to facil-itate the move. “My assumption,” says Camp, “is that everybody will be like ‘bygones,’ because what’s done is done and who even cares anymore?”
[-1] Rumor spreads that Mayor Nutter ordered a local fire station not to give water to Occupy protesters. And you know who told Nutter to do that? The Fed.
[-1] Deputy Mayor Richard Negrin denied the rumor via Twitter in a way that still seemed evasive and unclear to some. “U guyz! Nutzy ws just joking abt wanting OccPhilly peeps 2 die of agonizing thirst!! #notjoking #justjoking #4real #notreally #mmmhippiejerky.”
[-1] Jocelyn Kirsch — the ex-Drexel student who made headlines in 2007 as half of the “Bonnie and Clyde” identity-stealing couple — is arrested in California for shoplifting. “You guys know I killed people, right?” says the ghost of Bonnie. “I was awesome.”
[+1] Desiree Peterkin-Bell, one of Mayor Nutter’s top aides, leaves to take a job with President Obama’s re-election campaign. On the condition that she never again drink water.
[-4] A South Philly man sets his neighbor’s cat on fire, then holds his kids hostage in a seven-hour standoff. “We would like resolve this peacefully,” says police negotiator with a bullhorn. “Unless you’re the one who defaced the Rizzo mural, in which case you will be beaten to death.”
 Neighbors gather in lawn chairs to watch the standoff as vendors sell crabs and the Salvation Army hands out Gatorade. “Glad I’m not a crab,” says charred-cat ghost.
This week’s total: -9 | Last week’s total: -4