[0] The proposed “Turn Around, Don’t Drown” bill would require Pennsylvania residents who need to be rescued from their cars during floods to pay a fine. You may know it by its other name, “Save Money, Drown.” 

[0] The Inquirer and Daily News move to their new offices in the Gallery at Eighth and Market. Meet all your favorite columnists at the custom T-shirt kiosk.

[-3] Former head of the Barnes Foundation Kim-berly Camp hints that the museum’s sup-posed financial woes were a ruse to facil-itate the move. “My assumption,” says Camp, “is that everybody will be like ‘bygones,’ because what’s done is done and who even cares anymore?”

[-1] Rumor spreads that Mayor Nutter ordered a local fire station not to give water to Occupy protesters. And you know who told Nutter to do that? The Fed.

[-1] Deputy Mayor Richard Negrin denied the rumor via Twitter in a way that still seemed evasive and unclear to some. “U guyz! Nutzy ws just joking abt wanting OccPhilly peeps 2 die of agonizing thirst!! #notjoking #justjoking #4real #notreally #mmmhippiejerky.”

[-1] Jocelyn Kirsch — the ex-Drexel student who made headlines in 2007 as half of the “Bonnie and Clyde” identity-stealing couple — is arrested in California for shoplifting. “You guys know I killed people, right?” says the ghost of Bonnie. “I was awesome.”

[+1] Desiree Peterkin-Bell, one of Mayor Nutter’s top aides, leaves to take a job with President Obama’s re-election campaign. On the condition that she never again drink water.

[-4] A South Philly man sets his neighbor’s cat on fire, then holds his kids hostage in a seven-hour standoff. “We would like resolve this peacefully,” says police negotiator with a bullhorn. “Unless you’re the one who defaced the Rizzo mural, in which case you will be beaten to death.”

 [0] Neighbors gather in lawn chairs to watch the standoff as vendors sell crabs and the Salvation Army hands out Gatorade. “Glad I’m not a crab,” says charred-cat ghost.

This week’s total: -9  |  Last week’s total: -4