[+1] Protesters interrupt a town-hall-style meeting with Gov. Corbett at the Art Museum. That’s when the governor turns on his water jets and fracks his way out of there.
[-3] A flight attendant says she forgot a loaded gun was in her handbag when she attempted to go through security at Philly International Airport. Intercepted al-Qaeda memo: “OK. Just walking right in with a gun doesn’t work. Good to know.”
[-5] A police officer accidentally fires the gun while examining it. Intercepted al-Qaeda memo: “If we wait long enough, maybe they will wipe themselves out.”
[-2] Germany accuses an 87-year-old Northeast Philly man of committing war crimes while serving as an SS guard at Auschwitz. The whole neighborhood agrees: Oktoberfest is going to suck this year.
[+4] The city tells Point Breeze business owner Ori Feibush his cleaned-up lot can remain as it is until it’s sold. Anonymous declares victory, goes downstairs for grilled cheese with the crusts cut off.
[+1] Forty-five cops, firefighters and corrections officers receive Awards of Valor at the National Liberty Museum. Which is nice, because usually you have to be a museum member to get one.
 A beagle named Brandi survives a 70-foot drop off the Burlington Bristol Bridge. But the second drop does the trick.
[+1] Amtrak begins testing its trains at speeds of 165 mph. This kills many beagles.
 Fugitive blogger Joshua Scott Albert turns himself in. And is treated with the respect and care afforded to all citizens not yet convicted of a crime.
[+3] Artist Rafael Lozano-Hemmer’s “Open Air” light installation over the Parkway debuts despite protests from activists about light pollution and birds getting disoriented. PennDOT crews begin plowing blind bird carcasses off the Parkway. Couple dozen dead beagles in there, too.
This week’s total: 0 | Last week’s total: +4