[-2] Food Network star Guy Fieri films at several restaurants around town. Now everything tastes like liquid smoke, Drakkar Noir and forearm sweat.

[-3] A former amateur exotic dancer sues Deli­lah’s Den following a 2011 incident in which she severed her thumb. Delilah’s argues that, if anything, she’s more exotic than ever.

[-6] Police recover a handgun at a city school for the second time in two weeks. So: Hide your guns better, kids.

[0] The United Way launches a 211 hotline in the area. “We don’t know what it’s for, either,” admits spokesperson.

[0] Researchers are trying to determine what will become of city-owned buildings once they’re no longer used as schools. Working hypothesis: ghost condos.

[+1] Vice President Biden comes to Philly for a meeting on gun control. Somehow winds up shooting two clowns and an ostrich in the face. LOL. Classic Biden gaffe!

[+1] A 33-story, $158.5 million dorm complex for Penn students will be built near the Cira Center. And hey, Drexel students: They’re hiring elevator operators and bellhops!

[-3] A judge declares a mistrial when a defendant’s glass eye pops out as he’s recalling the incident that cost him his eye. It was the only dry eye in the courtroom.

[+1] The Navy Yard now hosts 130 companies and 10,000 employees. So it’s no big deal if a battleship full of people slips into a time-space vortex every once in awhile.

[0] Comcast’s new X1 service offers options like voice-operated controls via iPhone and cable remotes that Tweet. They’re also working on a DVR that Instagrams, a modem that makes coffee and an Australian-style toilet that shoots poop right up your butt.

[-1] Bart Blatstein sells his controlling interest in the Piazza at Schmidts to a New York real-estate firm. “I sense a change coming,” says the lady in the artisanal tumble­weed boutique.

This week’s total: -12  |  Last week’s total: 6