Photo by Neal Santos

"After taking a year to thank God for the work he's done, September's all about worshipping the Goddess." —The Goddess Isis

1 Thursday

Go into a jealous rage every time your friend brags about his backyard garden? Take comfort in philanthropy, apartment-dweller. Sign up for Greensgrow's volunteer day — it'll make you look like a saint next to your buddy and his uppity heirloom tomatoes. Thursdays, 9:30 a.m.-4 p.m., 2501 E. Cumberland St., greensgrow.org. —CH

2 Friday

Hold on to your butts: The 15th annual Live Arts Festival/Philly Fringe, a two-week celebration of provocative, gorgeous, wacky performance art, starts today. Spend the afternoon perusing the program and planning your attack. Tell your friends you'll see them in October. Through Sept. 17, livearts-fringe.org. —CH

3 Saturday

Had a dry summer? Next to your favorite battery-powered vroom-vroom, there's no better way to inch toward the "Big O" than devouring wine and chocolate. Bring a pal and a bottle of vino to Queen Village chocolateria Golosa for an evening of ecstasy that won't send you home with your head hung in shame. 806 S. Sixth St., pay as you go, 215-925-1003, golosacafe.com. —JM

4 Sunday

On the holiest of days, The Goddess Isis and a couple of her naughtiest gal pals gather to "serve up sin on a fiery platter." Taste the burn at Sinful Sundays, her cabaret-style shebang that's riddled with irreverent draggery. 10:30 p.m., free, Tabu Lounge, 200 S. 12th St., 215-964-9675, tabuphilly.com. —JM

5 Monday

Thanks to its forever associations with the first day of school, Labor Day can be a major downer. So keep Delaware River Tubing's Labor Day Tubing Extravaganza on your calendar — it's a totally tubular way to celebrate all the fun you've had this summer. Bravo. 2998 Daniel Bray Highway, Frenchtown, N.J., 908-996-5386, delawarerivertubing.com. —CH