Contributor Key — MA: Mary Armstrong | MB: Michael Blancato | CB: Chris Brown | MG: Michael Gold | SG: Sabrina Golphin | EG: Emily Guendelsberger | JF: James Friel | GMK: Gary M. Kramer | JM: Josh Middleton | AM: Abigail Minor CO: Cassie Owens | PR: Patrick Rapa | CS: Courtney Sexton | LS: Lee Stabert | BT: Brittany Thomas | NW: Nina Willbach Bedazzling by Brenna Adams | Photographs by Neal Santos
SUNDAY, JULY 1
You could describe the Air Sex World Championships as air guitar but with banging, or as if Marcel Marceau did pornographic sound effects. The (clothed!) entrants choose a clip of music, then get up on stage and make sweet or salty love with an imaginary partner. 8 p.m., $10, North Star Bar, 2639 Poplar St., 215-787-0488, northstarbar.com. —EG
MONDAY, JULY 2
Tyler Perry's drama and tomfoolery will be on display at an outdoor screening of Why Did I Get Married? 9 p.m., free, Dell Music Center, 33rd and Dauphin streets, welcomeamerica.com. —CO
TUESDAY, JULY 3
Zahav chef Michael Solomonov teams up with eight other top Philly chefs to bring you Down the Shore 3: Zahav Zombie Luau. Don your best zombie/island outfits for what's sure to be the summer's most haunted culinary extravaganza. 6 p.m., $75, Zahav, 237 St. James Place, 215-625-8800. —NW
WEDNESDAY, JULY 4
Once again, The Roots host Welcome America's Philly 4th of July Jam. This time they're joined by Queen Latifah, Common, Joe Jonas and Daryl Hall. The headliners are the fireworks. After that, it's Time To Go Home, America. 5 p.m., free, Ben Franklin Parkway, welcomeamerica.com. —PR
THURSDAY, JULY 5
The Kutztown Folk Festival offers a glimpse into the life of the Pennsylvania Dutch with traditional music, quilting demonstrations, hay rides and more yeehaw-worthy fare. Through July 8, $5-$24, Kutztown Fairgrounds, 225 N. White Oak St., Kutztown, kutztownfestival.com. —NW
FRIDAY, JULY 6
Art in the Age's Sub Pop: Art Dept. 24th Year Anniversary opens today, with a collection of design odds and ends from nearly 25 years of the legendary record label whose designers made a swimming baby iconic. Through Aug. 31, 6 p.m., free, Art in the Age, 116 N. Third St., 215-922-2600, artintheage.com. —EG
SATURDAY, JULY 7
We all scream for ... inert diatomic gas? In the Franklin Institute's Liquid Nitrogen Ice Cream Demonstration, watch as a delicious frozen treat emerges from pure science. Sat., July 7, 1 p.m., free with $16.50 admission, Franklin Institute, 222 N. 20th St., 215-448-1200, fi.edu. —AM
SUNDAY, JULY 8
Participants start the Color Run dressed in white and finish looking like they've been assaulted by Jackson Pollock. At five points along the 5K route, volunteers pelt the runners with pigment powder in various shades of neon. 8 a.m., $35-$50, Philadelphia Museum of Art, 2600 Ben Franklin Pkwy., thecolorrun.com. —EG
MONDAY, JULY 9
Write an I Love You/I Hate You note to the douchebag in charge of cleaning up Washington between Ninth and Passyunk. In the dead of summer, that place smells like ass! —JM
TUESDAY, JULY 10
Museum Without Walls is a cyclist-aimed downloadable audio map of public sculpture on the parkway and Kelly Drive. Some spectacular artworks are waiting to be explicated by nearly 100 expert voices. Free, museumwithoutwallsaudio.org. —CS
WEDNESDAY, JULY 11
For National Cheer Up the Lonely Day, return those useless Van Halen reunion tickets and take your heartbroken pal to see Scorpions' final Philly show instead. $29.50-$79.50, 7:30 p.m., Mann Center for the Performing Arts, 52nd Street and Parkside Avenue, 215-893-1999, manncenter.org. —PR
THURSDAY, JULY 12
July's National Hot Dog Month. Spend today getting your vaguely phallic eats on. —MG
FRIDAY, JULY 13
PhilaMOCA's throwing a party to unveil their WELCOME TO THE ERASERHOOD mural. 6 p.m., PhilaMOCA, 521 N. 12th St., philamoca.org. —EG
SATURDAY, JULY 14
Eastern State's Bastille Day celebration includes a campy re-enactment of the storming of the Bastille by cabaret outfit The Bearded Ladies. 4:30 p.m., $10, Eastern State Penitentiary, 2027 Fairmount Ave., 215-236-5111, easternstate.org. —CB
SUNDAY, JULY 15
The Clay Studio's Claymobile will park in front of the Perelman on select Sundays. Find inspiration inside the museum, then create your own masterpiece. 10 a.m.-3 p.m., free, Perelman Building, Fairmount and Pennsylvania aves., theclaystudio.org. —CS
MONDAY, JULY 16
Those Darlins, a trio of young musicians, rock a heavy dose of '60s garage verve. They'll serve as a perfect appetizer for surfy headliner Best Coast. 8 p.m., $18-$20, Union Transfer, r5productions.com. —LS
TUESDAY, JULY 17
What if Lincoln had survived the assassination attempt at Ford's Theatre? In his new novel, Yale professor and Emperor of Ocean Park author Stephen Carter explores this big what-if for an alternate history of later-years Abe. 7:30 p.m., free, FLP Central Branch, 1901 Vine St., freelibrary.org. —NW
WEDNESDAY, JULY 18
The work artists created during May's Art in the Open is now on display for your viewing pleasure. Through Sept. 9, $10-$12, Independence Seaport Museum, 211 S. Columbus Blvd., 215-413-8655, phillyseaport.org. —AM
THURSDAY, JULY 19
Indy Hall's Show 'n' Tell series is a sounding board, a launching pad, a sigh of relief — but chiefly a chance to share what's going on. Noon, Indy Hall, 20 N. Third St., 267-702-4865, indyhall.org. —CB
FRIDAY, JULY 20
Don't Tread On ME! zine series pays homage to punk zines of the '90s, but stays true to the times with Google-doc circulation instead of photocopies. The folks in charge will be coming all the way up from Richmond for a reading. 7 p.m., free, Wooden Shoe Books and Records, 704 South St., woodenshoebooks.com. —NW
SATURDAY, JULY 21
There are few things better on a hot, sweaty summer night than getting even sweatier alongside other sweaty people. Enter Hot Chip. 8:30 p.m., $29.50, Electric Factory, 421 N. Seventh St., 215-627-1332, ticketmaster.com. —LS
SUNDAY, JULY 22
After a loud Friday (Hold Steady, War on Drugs) and a blissful Saturday (Wilco, Dr. Dog), WXPN's big friendly giant, the XPoNential Music Festival, wraps up with an eclectic and thoughtful Sunday (local folk hero John Wesley Harding, Diego Garcia and — why not — Counting Crows). For locations, tickets and prices, see xpn.org. —PR
MONDAY, JULY 23
Nobody knows much about the ancient Roman holiday of Neptunalia, except that it was a two-day anti-drought rally during which people built huts in which to eat, drink and give praise to the god of fresh water. Celebrate by finally changing your Brita filter. —PR
TUESDAY, JULY 24
In his new book Little America: The War Within the War for Afghanistan, Washington Post correspondent Rajiv Chandrasekaran chronicles the long history of the United States' complicated relationship with a country that we may never fully understand. 7:30 p.m., free, FLP Central Branch, 1901 Vine St., freelibrary.org. —NW
WEDNESDAY, JULY 25
The Pittsburgh Symphony Orchestra performs The Legend of Zelda: Symphony of the Goddesses, an inspired-by-the-video-game symphony performed alongside mammoth Zelda video illustrations. 8:30 p.m., $19.50-$95, The Mann Center, 5201 Parkside Ave., manncenter.org. —NW
THURSDAY, JULY 26
Shakespeare in Clark Park will perform the Bard's comedy The Merry Wives of Windsor for five days. July 25-29, 7 p.m., free, Clark Park, Chester Avenue and 43rd Street, shakespeareinclarkpark.org. —MB
FRIDAY, JULY 27
Headliners Slayer and Motörhead may be the highest-profile, but the true gem of the Rockstar Mayhem Festival is sludge forefathers High on Fire. 1 p.m., $25-$85, Susquehanna Bank Center, 1 Harbour Blvd., Camden, N.J., rockstarmayhemfest.com. —CB
SATURDAY, JULY 28
The Magic Gardens' annual ART/GAGE festival starts on the 1000 block of South Street with a good ol' fashioned street party; after the sun goes down the bash moves inside for more music, art-making and the opening of a brand-new installation. Noon, free-$15, Philadelphia's Magic Gardens, 1020 South St., 215-733-0390, phillymagicgardens.org. —CB
SUNDAY, JULY 29
Paris and Lindsay may have made mugshots cute, but local queer digital-media artist Butch Cordora has made them gay, gay, gay. After sifting through 2,219 images, he chose 13 of the "most striking male arrestees" to be presented in his latest exhibit, " Hot and Busted." Browse the collection with a friend to see if you can guess who'd be the first to "drop the soap." Through Aug. 31, free, Ven and Vaida, 18 S. Third St., 215-592-4099, venandvaida.com. —JM
MONDAY, JULY 30
ReSourceArts weeklong, Kickstarter-funded pop-up performance-art space starts tonight with a gallery show by two.one.five photog dee. Stop back throughout the week for an entertainment roster that runs the gamut from music (Kuf Knotz, Tyger B) to yoga workshops led by Sculpere. They'll announce a location closer to the date. Through Aug. 5, resourcearts.weebly.com. —JM
TUESDAY, JULY 31
Why take a seven-hour flight to stand in a line of sweaty tourists when works from Florence are in Bucks County? Check out " Offering of the Angels: Treasures from the Uffizi Gallery," the traveling exhibition of Renaissance and Baroque paintings by old masters like Botticelli, Titian and Tintoretto. Through Aug. 10, 10 a.m.-4:30 p.m., $15, Michener Art Museum, 138 S. Pine St., Doylestown, 215-340-9800, michenermuseum.org. —CS
