wack Ask Alice Dear Alice, I have recently met the man of my dreams. He was hired at a bar I frequent. I soon got to talking with him regularly and things developed quickly. One lucky day I saw him at the supermarket, buying fruit. Ramon was very helpful in teaching me how to pick only the most ripe strawberries. I should tell you that fruit is an obsession of mine. That evening, I invited him over for dinner and we had the time of our lives. Our passionate love affair unfolded for three more days until I shared my fantasy about getting a body-cavity search with strawberries from the man I love. For some reason, he got really scared and ran out. Now he avoids me and won't even listen when I suggest to use cherries instead. I thought he loved fruit! Do you think I did something wrong? Please, help me get this man back! Desperately In Need of a Fruit Salad   Dear Fruit Salad, Did you know strawberries can make you break out in horrible blotches? I had a strawberry mousse once and ended up with big, itchy red patches across my stomach. Trust me, there's nothing sexy about being awash in calamine lotion. What about grapes or a tomatoes. Tomato is a fruit, y'know, though it's often overlooked. I love it with basil or a little olive oil. And Italians sure make great lovers! But here's another thing you should consider. If Ramon was originally from a Third World country, there's a chance that he or someone in his family had a cavity violated by fruit. It's been known to happen in police interrogations in Latin America. Trust me, you don't want to hear what they do with pineapples. It will ruin pineapple upside-down cake for the rest of your life. Maybe sit him down with a Bananas in Pajamas videotape, so he'll start to think of fruit as not only delicious but also his chum. You can have him make believe the strawberries are tiny FBI agents looking for stolen whipped cream. Alice (in a heavy syrup)       Dear Alice, I love my cat Steve. It's very important that anyone I date also love my cat Steve. Recently I've noticed that the last three men I've dated reacted very differently to my cat. The first, a doctor, was overly affectionate - squeezed and stroked my kitty endlessly, more than he did me. The second, a rock singer, was playful with my kitty, laughed when Steve clawed his hand a bit, but then pushed him away, appropriately, when we were smooching. The third, a city planner, let my cat sit on his stomach, but barely acknowledged him. I asked him if he liked cats, "No, but I have three," he said blankly. Which one's for me Alice? Crazy 'Bout My Kitty   Dear Kitty, Was it Dr. Joyce Brothers or Chaka Khan who said: "You've got to watch out when your man's got his hands on too much pussy"? Regardless, it seems like an appropriate bit of advice at the moment. As for deciding which one of your fellas is the best, are you looking for a long-term boyfriend, a wild roll in the hay or a freakin' cat sitter??!!! I'm a sex therapist, not a veterinarian. If one of these guys wants to do it with your cat, that's another story. Keep your eye on that doctor. If he asks for some quality time with your cat, send him packing. And if your kitty wants to go with him, let him. Who needs an unfaithful cat anyway. If you're still looking to decide on your relationships depending on what your cat thinks, why don't you get out the Ouija Board, it'll be just about as helpful. Alice   If you have a problem, question or venereal disease, think twice before you write Alice. But if you must, write c/o Go Ask Alice, 206 S. 13th St., Phila. PA 19107.