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intercourse
Love Sites
All of your friends are getting roses or chocolates, but you seem
to be all alone without a mate to woo you with candy and affection.
No reason to despair. With these Web sites you'll be able to pen
the perfect love letter, meet new prospects, teach yourself exotic
kissing techniques and much more. Here's to sensual surfing!
 The Cyrano Server (http://www.nando.net/toys/cyrano/), as you might expect, is named in honor of that sweet-talkin',
big-nosed Frenchie, Cyrano de Bergerac. Created to assist you
in your romantic letter-writing, it's formatted like a Mad Lib: You enter such elements as your lover's name, his/her favorite
food and best physical feature. Then, choose what type of letter
you want (anywhere from "steamy" to "indecisive") and it assembles
a poem for you in no time at all. You can even attach sound effects
and graphics for those so inclined.
Here's a sample line from a "steamy" letter using the elements
of "adjective best describing your beloved" (infuriating), "favorite
food" (grits) and "favorite physical feature of your beloved"
(earlobes): I can imagine myself kissing your infuriating body and slathering
you with various oils and grits. Your earlobes are my anchor in
the stormy sea of life; I wonder how I ever made it through a
day without you.
 Match.Com (http://www.match.com/) is for those of us who need to find a Valentine's Day date. Browse
through prospects who have written their mini-biographies for
the site's database. On top of a personal description, clients
are asked to reveal their ethnicity, religion, body type, height,
inclination towards smoking and drinking and plans for children.
Search for someone in Philadelphia and you might find the query
(in all caps no less!): I'M JUST LOOKING FOR A HOT GUY WELL-BUILT
NOT A STEROID CASE. Who said romance is dead?
 LaPoin's "I Love You" Page (http://www.tuchemnitz.de/~lpo/love.html) If you've ever needed to tell someone you love them, but have
a language barrier to cross, the "I Love You" page can help. This
page translates "I love you" into every foreign language known,
including sign language, Icelandic, and each dialect of Chinese.
LaPoin even offers some translations of "I like you" for those
non-committal types.
 Aphrodite's Love Palace (http://www.purple.co.uk/purplet/love.html) is an "all-purpose" love site that allows the viewer to experience
virtual kissing, from the basic kiss to the French kiss and L'Amore
Italian Kiss. The site also offers cards and poems, such as "The
Owl and the Pussycat" by Edward Lear, that can be sent to a loved
one along with the sender's own message. If this site puts you
in the mood for love and marriage, Aphrodite has a form which
also enables proposal over the net.
 Soulmates' (http://www.soulmates.net:80) primary purpose is to sell - oops, "advertise" - women to available
bachelors. The page is chock full of pictures of babes from Russia,
the Philippines and other exotic lands. Some of them are even
sporting bikinis and looking ready to compete with the beauties
in the Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue. A less obvious - but equally important - benefit
of this page is to make lonely hearts feel better about themselves.
No matter how desperate you are to find love, at least you are
not advertising yourself on the Internet, right?
- Ben Kim, Sascha Pugachevsky, Alyssa Deaven
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