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Dear Alice, Lately, I've been at odds with myself in regards to the meaning of life. I believe the notion that someone "higher" is watching and controlling. The problem is, which god or gods should I believe in? - Agnostic in Ardmore
Dear Aggie, That's easy. Choosing a religion and its own particular godhead management is like buying clothes or picking out fabulous interiors. What suits you best? Buddhism is run now by a little man represented by the William Morris Agency and has several films about him ready to go in '97. Few gods get to work with Scorcese! Scientology was designed by an insurance salesman who wrote science fiction stories, one of which is being turned into a film starring John Travolta. A phenomenon! The Buddhists and Scientologists therefore currently base their operations on celebrity and how much money they can raise for their given cause. So, the question is: "Are you a celebrity with tons of money with the ability to get friends to give generously?" If you're looking to the Nation of Islam and Allah for spiritual guidance, the question is different: "How much do you like bow ties and pork?" Be honest with yourself here. In terms of Judaism, Woody Allen, a Jew himself, in his film Love & Death, said that some Jews have horns while the others have stripes. Can you commit to either accessory? For my money though, Catholicism is really very good because you get to wear flashy clothing and commit a myriad of sins - just like at a rave. Sure, monies are filtered through the mob, but doesn't the same thing happen with drugs and gambling? Happy hunting. - Alice
Dear Alice, I'm a 20-year-old guy who is part of the happening club scene. I like to go out every night and wear the very latest in op/art gear. Unfortunately, being a dude, I'm worried about all this tight plastic. Does polyester really stop the production of sperm? - Vern don't want a Vinyl Vasectomy
Vern, I think I can help you here. Don't tell anybody but I'm slightly older than you. Well, my brother is anyway. He was a longstanding member of the original disco scene. This was when the look of stadium rock (lots of animal skins and jeans) and glam rock (stacked heeled shoes and painted furs and feathers) were merging. Luckily, great designers like Sergio Valente, Halston and Calvin Klein burst onto the scene to save the world from having to wear all those poor animal skins and feathers. Besides, sueded fringe smells bad when you sweat. These kings of design made clothing wonderful and form-fitting ? except for below the knees where they cleverly made pants that actually became wider. Thank God. What isn't known about these three is that they were once science majors. They knew which materials would breathe when designed to cling. If it makes you feel better, my brother has four kids and lives in a rowhome in South Philadelphia. So, not only will you be able to reproduce, but you will find a good woman who can cook and raise the spawn from all those spermies. - Alice If you have a problem, question or venereal disease, think twice before you ask Alice. But if you must, write Go Ask Alice, c/o earSHOT, 206 S. 13th St., Phila PA 19107. Or e-mail Alice at editorial@citypaper.net.
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