Illustrations by Denise Erickson

wish list

Converse's One Star slip-ons glide from grassy golf courses to hardtop pavement to sea-sprayed boardwalk in one easy step. Predicted to be one of the most coveted items this season, these slippers-cum-tennis-shoes rehash loungey beachwear into a confection with the streetwise edge of a pick-up basketball game.

Available for $40 at Trash and Vaudeville, 628 South St., 238-8817.

- Elva Ramirez

These yummy rubber pants come in all the Fruit Stripe colors and ooh are they snug! Take a bike ride in these all-un-natural trousers on a sunny day -- it's like having a mini sauna in your pants. Look good while shedding those unwanted Cadbury Egg pounds!

By Tripp, $80, Trash and Vaudeville.

- Jennifer Darr

Though the golden era of '70s muscle bikes is long gone, you can relive the days of banana seats and stick shifts with this candy apple red T-shirt, emblazoned with the swiveling Schwinn Stringray logo.

Available for $15 at Trophy Bikes, 757 S. 9th St., 625-7999.

- Neil Gladstone

With spring upon us and summer right around the corner, it's time to show a little leg. I'm talking skirts. Short skirts. Which are great, except when riding a bike. Active gal that I am, I love to ride my bike. But the world doesn't need to know what color underwear I'm wearing. So what are the options? The legging and bicycle shorts thing is utterly unglamorous. Bermuda shorts are not very femme. I have about a dozen wrap skirts, but have yet to find a way to prevent flashing Philly when the wind blows.

What about the skort?

A skort looks like a skirt from the front, but is actually shorts with a flap. Genius. I can ride like the wind, do cartwheels all day, and sit in an unladylike manner without embarrassment!

I checked out a few shops looking for my summer solution. Contempo Casuals offers two styles in corduroy and khaki. The corduroy is cute, but if I bend slightly, you could call me "cheeky." The khaki isn't as obscenely short, but I can't stop staring at my butt. The Gap also offers two skorts in denim and khaki -- these are too matronly. In the changing room, the frump element is only heightened. The khaki is wrinkled and lackluster, like a uniform. The denim is even worse. Old men on Hee Haw look better than I do in this.

What's preventing the skort from becoming my perfect summer garment?

In a word, sex. These skorts are extremely unsexy. The high-waisted numbers at the Gap are like tents. Contempo's are only as sexy as the wearer's ass - fully displayed in these babies.

I called two local designers for support, Submission's Kim Montenegro and Retroactive's Larry McGearty.

"I hate them," said McGearty. "We came across some old garments recently and I got excited because I thought they were skirts. But then I turned them around and saw that they were skorts. They look weird, but we're going to try and create something from them." In spring '98, when Retroactive debuts their new line, perhaps McGearty will have solved his skort problems.

Montenegro has a solution right now.

"I've never had much luck with skorts," said Montenegro, "but I had the funniest idea. For people with nice asses and bad bikini lines I could design a skort with a g-string back and a skort front! I'm incorporating them this season, in different stretchy fabrics."

(Kim's skorts are available, custom-made, in one to two weeks. Call 627-4487 or stop in her showroom at 213 Vine St. )

I can't wear a g-string around town -- I'm afraid of the traffic accidents I might cause on my bike. So until I find my solution to the skort, I'm headed to Daffy's to get some lovely new undies.

- Alex Richmond