Photo: Adam Wallcavage

thing Baywatch Ken Baywatch Ken is not supposed to be Mitch, the character David Hasselhoff plays on the TV show, although they do share the same hair color. Baywatch Ken - a lifeguard, duh - comes with a whistle, sun visor, sneakers, a flotation device which really floats (as I learned during our bath together) and a Yamaha WaveRunner. All accessories are emblazoned with the Baywatch logo. This makes me wonder if kids "ages 3 and up," the suggested age for safe play, are as into Baywatch as adults are? Do they watch for the same reasons? I know of one kindergartner who watches the show with her dad. She calls it "the bathing suit show." How would a little girl play with Baywatch Ken? Would she sit in the bath dreaming of a strong current pulling her so far out to sea she can barely shout for help? Would she long for Baywatch Ken to come by on his WaveRunner and rescue and comfort her? Would she contort his muscled, hairless plastic body into poses they don't show on TV? Would she ease his red swimshorts down, only to discover that his loins not only lack genitalia - as they have since my childhood - but are made of pink plastic jockey shorts? Then she'll probably be as disappointed as I was. - Alex Richmond