wack Go Ask Alice   Dear Alice, I'm from Germany and I am thinking about coming to Philadelphia to go to school. What can you tell me about your city and its winning ways? Also, are the schools any good? Rutger   Dear Rutger, This is the finest of American cities - one brimming with originality. We wrote the Declaration of Independence here as well as the songs "I'll Always Love My Mama" and "Girls Just Want To Have Fun." We have sports fans that boo ardently when their teams win and devotedly stick it out when they lose. We have a mayor with a nice appetite and many forms of organized crime. (Hey, in no way did I mean to put a mention of the mob in connection to the mayor.) We have wonderfully diverse areas that rarely maintain economic solvency (e.g. South Street and Old City) but are still pretty. Like your own country we have a fine tradition of cheese. Ours is smooth, white and pourable. Speaking of white, we also have a fine police tradition of being impolite to dreadlocked minorities. As for schools, we've got 'em old and good. We're home to the nation's very first university - University of Pennsylvania - so, there's the old. And we've got Temple University which is where Bill Cosby, America's favorite dad, went. So we got 'em goo? um, we've got two old colleges. Alice Dear Alice, Now that I've matriculated, I find that I don't like some of my classes. Fact is, I'm not even sure I like my major, political science, anymore. What am I going to do? E. Gould   Dear Elliott, Back when I went to school, you could just use an eraser and a sturdy pencil and voila! you had an entirely new course schedule. Now that everything's digitized, you're gonna have to be convincing in other ways. Are you epileptic? Tell your professor that any discussion of the two-party system'll send you straight into tongue-biting dementia. Perhaps your hearing can get you excused? Tell 'em you've never heard anything as absurd or oxymoronic as "American justice." Have you seen The Freshman? An association with any solid Italian-American family can help you out of the tightest binds. Hey, truth be told, there is no science to politics. If a hillbilly like Bill Clinton, a sex fiend like Bob Packwood or a crack addict like Marion Barry can do it, how scientific can it be? Alice If you have a problem, question or venereal disease, think twice before you write Alice. But if you must, write c/o Go Ask Alice, 206 S. 13th St., Phila. PA 19107.