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Dear Alice, Help me. I've always been a good girl but over the last year I
found myself seduced by rock 'n' roll and the guys who play it.
I've slept with plenty of rockers, even cheesy ones: the drummer
from Fig Dish, a bassist who said he was in Geggy Tah, several
local goons (Ugh!) and some clown who says he was in The Cars.
The Cars?!?! And what's a Geggy Tah? I've gotta stop being a band
box. But how? M. Ciccone Dear M, Lovin' rock 'n' rollers isn't an easy habit to break. The lamer
they are, the lousier you feel. But what a feeling for a minute.
Truth be told, I wasn't always a good girl. I used to be groupie
who went by the name "Genny Taglia." In those days, sex was at
its most deified. You could ogle the body and not worry about
its previous whereabouts killing you. Remember the Plaster Casters
from L.A. who made plaster molds of rock gods like Hendrix and
Jagger? In Lebanon, PA, I, along with other big gals in feather
boas, was one of the "Sausage Casing Casters." We full-body-wrapped
the likes of Edgar Winter, the shorter Righteous Brother, John
McVie, Hy-Lit and the guy with bad skin from Blondie. Once we
wrapped the guy from Grand Funk so tight his arms stuck to his
side for two days. As for having sex with local bands - they don't
count. Anybody with a day job doesn't qualify as a "star," so
don't you worry about them. Out of all of my conquests, the one guy I truly loved was Bernie
Taupin, Elton's lyricist. Classy guy. (You know how fast he whipped
up new words for "Candle In The Wind"? He came even faster.) How do you break the rock 'n' roll chain? Remember rock stars
are just normal people in Spandex. Plus, waking up next to Dee
Snyder helps bring you back to earth. (By the way, which Car did
you sleep with? I slept with one. If it's the same model I'll
tear your hair out, bitch.) Alice Dear Alice, I know you're no music critic but I was curious: What music do
you listen to? G. Marcus Dear G, Thanks for asking. Recently I've been digging music from disaster
films. The sound of a ship's bursting hull or an airplane plummeting
makes me moist with desire; not unlike what car crashes do for
the protagonists of David Cronenberg's movie Crash. To think that people can write three-minute songs inspired by
the same gruesome visions makes my head spin. So the tunes that
really do it for me are Maureen McGovern's "The Morning After"
from The Poseidon Adventure, Helen Reddy's Dylanesque nun bit in Airport and the UB40 tunes from Speed 2. And now that I know John Denver rushed to his violent death
in a burning airplane smashing into the side of a mountain - wow - talk about a Rocky Mountain High! Alice
Go Ask Alice
If you have a problem, question or venereal disease, think twice
before you write Alice. But if you must, write c/o Go Ask Alice, 206 S. 13th St., Phila. PA 19107.