a.d. amorosi

City Paper

 

1. The Beatles solo output

For a band that had their (s)hits together as a unit, these boys were terrible on their own. Starr and McCartney were bad but you expected so little of them that it almost doesn't count that their records blow (except for The Wings' dazzling Venus & Mars ). That leaves a très treacly George Harrison (all HIS things must pass, indeed!) and John Lennon. Lennon's stuff is the worst of the bunch: badly produced, self-obsessively whiny and maudlin.

 

2. Nirvana's Nevermind, Smashing Pumpkins' Siamese Dream

How did bad self-delusional prose, feel-sorry mentalities and terrible sonics become hit songs. Why? What great emotional generational tumult was examined by these records? Did the batteries on your collective SEGAs wear down?

 

3. All Southern '70s rock

Except for the Allman Brothers.

 

4. Liz Phair

Such chancy, sexy material. But for whom? Caucasian mall chicks who "improve their lives" by taking women's studies courses at their local community college? Who think living it up is the one time they had two beers too many then sucked "weird guy" dick in a car? DULL!!! The same goes for Fiona Apple and Alanis Morissette.

 

5. Kiss

Ugly men in makeup. One or two good songs and even those were ripped off from Blue Oyster Cult.

 

6. Pearl Jam/Soundgarden/Mudhoney/Dinosaur Jr.

With the exception of Ten and Badmotorfinger, nothing more than crunchy rip-offs of the James Gang or Uriah Heep. Rock on!

 

7. Grover Washington Jr./Chuck Mangione

Good players, sure. But these men are responsible for the soft "wine bar" jazz that would beget the likes of Kenny G.

 

8. David Bowie, Tonight.

I'm so sure you wanna hear this twit do reggae.

 

9. Primus

 

10. "Candle In The Wind," Elton John

I didn't like this song when it first came out. I don't like it now and I rue the day when Elton himself dies. Surely, Taupin will rewrite this again. And again.

 

Dan DeLuca | Chuck Eddy | Justin Hampton | Rita M. Johnson | Tom Moon | Rob Sheffield | Sara Sherr | Marc Weingarten | Jessica Willis | main page


this month | archives | masthead | cp site