Dan DeLuca

Philadelphia Inquirer

 

1. The Eagles

Undisputed champions of super-smug California soft "country" rock. "Lyin' Eyes,'' "Witchy Woman," "Tequila Sunrise": you name it, it's hateful. I could never hate Buckingham/Nicks as much as Henley/Frey.

 

2. Michael Bolton and Celine Dion (tie)

The whitest of the white. Too evil to ignore.

 

3. John Denver

Would have slipped my mind if he didn't have the courtesy to reappear just as I was filling out this ballot.

 

4. Led Zeppelin

From a distance, I can sort of be convinced of the impressiveness of Page's guitar or Plant's ululations. But to me, it will always be moronic willy-wagging music.

 

5. Richie Havens

Stop the strumming!

 

6. Yes

The ultimate wankers. "Mountains come out of the sky, they stand there!"

 

7. Bob Dylan

He's the great one, but when he's bad, he's dreadful. See: Self-Portrait, At Budokan, Real Live, his "We Are The World" cameo and "Make You Feel My Love," from Time Out of Mind.

 

8. Jewel

The most annoyingly pleased with herself of the '90s unfortunate singer-songwriter boom.

 

9. Crash Test Dummies

Luther Vandross doesn't love the sound of his own voice as much as that guy. And Luther has reason to.

 

10. Yoko Ono

Tell me all about how influential she's been on the B-52's and Björk. Yeah, yeah, whatever. Now go and listen to side two of Live Peace in Toronto.

 

Special mention: "From A Distance," by Julie Gold, Nanci Griffith, Bette Midler, whoever. I hate that song!

 

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