wax
1) Kenneth Gorelick (a.k.a. Kenny G.): He's the King of the Smooth Domain, the Original Balladeer. Kenny
deserves the first spot in this list for his painfully nasal soprano
saxophone tone (which sounds vaguely like a ferret in a meat grinder),
his insipid compositions, and the legions of soul-less imitators
that have followed in his wake. 2) The Rippingtons: Led by guitarist Russ Freeman (no relation to the West Coast pianist
of the Cool Jazz Era), The Rippingtons have amassed a large fan
base among the Dilbert demographic. 3) Spyro Gyra: Jay Beckenstein and company weren't always so dull. This group
has produced an album each year for 20 years, and is perhaps the
most influential pop jazz group on the market. Their sound has
stagnated in recent years, proving that longevity isn't always
the bottom line. 4) Dave Koz: Another alto in the grand, bland tradition. 5) Candy Dulfer: It's bad enough that her music is formulaic bubblegum pop. She's
also the Spice Girl of contemporary jazz, with provocative ads
proclaiming her "Sax Appeal." Blech. 6) James Oppenheim (a.k.a. Boney James): A relatively new arrival on the smooth circuit, Oppenheim already
has a handful of hits and a melodramatic self-image. His albums
sport captivating titles: Trust, Backbone, Seduction and Boney's Funky Christmas. 7) Dr. Jack Kevorkian: The Good Doctor and his Morpheus Ensemble prove that you can kill
people and have a sense of humor about it. Unfortunately, A Very Still Life is tedious and plodding - perhaps it's a tactic to get you into
Jack's van. 8) Max Weinberg: Weinberg reminds me of an insurance salesman, or a least-favorite
uncle. His stiff theatrics and plastered-on grin may be appropriately
kitschy for Conan's late-night antics, but they're also painful
to watch. Go back to E-Street, Max, and take the hairpiece with
you. 9) Dave Grusin: The prolific GRP patriarch earns his spot on this list for his
recent string of shallow concept albums: tributes to George Gershwin,
Henry Mancini and West Side Story (complete with guest appearances by Jon Secada and Gloria Estefan!).
10) The Manhattan Transfer: This foursome has been together for 25 years, and while they hit
a few high notes (Vocalese, with Jon Hendricks), their music is characteristically cheeseball.
Their latest, Swing, is a sad and sloppy parody that has somehow maintained a space
at the top of the charts. - Nate Chinen
Worst Ever in Jazz