Illustration: Eric Reynolds manstyle
What a man really wants for Christmas. The best gift I ever got for Christmas was a Charlie the Tuna
phone. The second I opened the package I was amazed. It is goofy
and practical, inexpensive yet unique. And Charlie's eyes light
up when there's an incoming call! My brother found an offer for
the phone on the inside of Starkist tuna label. Ten years later,
I'm still talking into Charlie's ass. Anytime a friend wants to
use my phone I've immediately got a conversation piece. It's one
of those rare gifts that keeps on giving. When I recently saw
another one for $75 at Zern's flea market in Gilbertsville, I
had to buy it, even though it probably cost me four or five times
what my brother paid. "It's Charlie. His stuff is pricey," reasoned the saleswoman.
Whatever. I just wanted to make sure that when the keypad wears
out on my old tuna phone, I've got another one to replace it.
Every holiday gift should be so great. For years now I've tried
to give my brother a gift as good as the tuna phone with only
moderate success. Yet I continue to hunt for that perfect combination
of zany and timeless. This year my search brought me all over
Philadelphia and I ended up finding things for various types of
guys - from the nutty Eagles fan to the fashionable bookworm.
Not all of these items are strictly for men, but if you're looking
for something fun, here is a handful of ideas. ($18 at the Happiness is a Rainbow stall, downstairs at South
Street Antiques Market, 615 S. Sixth St., 592-0256) ($55 at Agent Aloha, 506 South St., 238-5880) Have a man who's a little more uptown? The Colibri Churchill V Cigar Cutter and Lighter is just the thing for that stogie-loving crony in your life.
It's an all-in-one tool to prep that torpedo for blast off. The
Churchill V comes in various finishes, from matte black to tortoise
shell, and some even have the seal of approval from Cigar Aficionado magazine. ($95 and up at Holt's Tobacconist, 1522 Walnut St., 732-8500) ($49.99 at Home Team Sports, 1328 Walnut St., 731-9713) ($39.99 at Kitchen Kapers, 213 S. 17 St., 546-8059) ($12, published by Avon Books and available at local bookstores) ($50, published by Thames and Hudson, available at local stores) ($34.99 at Kay-Bee Toy & Hobby Shop, The Gallery Two, 238-1248) ($14 at the Happiness is a Rainbow stall, South Street Antiques
Market) ($15.95 at Platypus, Liberty Place, 1625 Chestnut St., 963-0755) ($5.95 at Platypus) ($2,200 at Bainbridge Collectibles, 514 Bainbridge St., 922-7761)
For Him
Who doesn't love a piece of functional kitsch? The Bart Simpson Phone might not be quite as cool as a tuna phone (in fact, Bart's plastic
hair sticks into the side of your head when you're listening to
a call), but plenty of Simpson fans will have a cow over it, man. (Okay, I'll admit this first
choice is a bit self-motivated.) Now for a bit of retro cheese. The Fossil watch 2002 series recreates the look of mid-'70s digital timepieces replete with
metallic wristband and red LED readout. It's the accessory that
says "I'm ready for my Starsky and Hutch cameo." If you want a real digital watch from the early '70s, it'll cost
you almost $200 more. Barbara Blau (who has a stall upstairs at
the South Street Antiques Market) is selling a Bulova Computron with a gold-toned wristband for $245. Then there's the type of dude who enjoys simpler pleasures - like
watching the Eagles lose. Diehard fans can regularly be reminded
of our illustrious hometown team with the Eagles Goal Post Alarm Clock. The digital display between the black uprights is cute, but
the real reason to get it is for the screaming-announcer alarm:
"Oh my, what a play! He's going all the way!" Ah, there's no better
way to start the day. When he's kicking back and "enjoying" the game, he might also
like some brewskies to wash it down with. The Brewsack is a home-brewing kit that makes 20 pints of lager. It kind of
looks like a gym bag, so maybe those suds won't be primo, but
it'll probably be easier to swallow than the final score. Then again, instead of drowning your sorrows over the game in
liquid bread, why not rent a movie? The Guy's Guide to Guys' Videos divides the cinematic world into easy-to-follow categories like
"The Best of Bondage," "Go West, Tough Guy," and "Dangerous Babes."
In each entry, author Scott Meyer describes the movie and explains
"why guys love it." For example, the reason to watch Die Hard 2: "Any movie that attempts to blow up more big stuff than the
first Die Hard is worth an hour and forty-five minutes of your time, isn't it?"
You get the idea. Know a guy who likes to read (or at least look at glossy pictures)
but has slightly more "refined" tastes? The Man of Fashion: Peacock Males and Perfect Gentlemen offers a slick overview of men's clothing through the years.
Author Colin McDowell devotes a section to various designers (Gaultier,
Armani, Hilfiger) and also groups styles into categories like
"Hoodlum Heroes" and "Vibrant Velvet." This gift for those fellas
who know there's no better season's greeting than a coffeetable
book filled with hot hunks in stylish threads. Now for the boys who still dig toys under their tree: you don't
need to be a toddler to appreciate Star Wars Electronic Galactic Battle. Basically, it's an interstellar version of Battleship with the
Millennium Falcon and Imperial Cruiser replacing the big boats.
It's guaranteed to get that big kid's heart pounding at light
speed - at least for 10 minutes, till he gets bored and throws
it in the rumpus room with the rest of his junk. I pity the fool who wouldn't dig a Mr. T. piggy bank! It may be made out of plastic, but it's got a lot of heart and
plenty of space to hold change. Still stumped for a stocking stuffer? Pandora's Chocolate Dino Egg is almost twice the size of a grapefruit and filled with a dozen
little dinosaurs made out of white and milk chocolate. It's the
perfect gift for someone you don't know anything about, yet you're
still sweet on 'em. The Dino Egg a little out of your price range? Well if you're
a fan of double-entendres, they'll certainly start flying if you
give your buddy a bag of Hot Nuts. Yes, you guessed it, a bag full of Cajun-spiced peanuts. How
they give them that Creole taste and still keep the shell on is
anyone's guess. But you won't care after you start throwing out
wacky one-liners like: "Can I have some of your Hot Nuts?" Finally, the coup de grâce for any guy who's in love with America's
favorite pastime - an authentic 1909 Ty Cobb baseball card. Oh sure, you could probably pay several months rent with the
amount you'll blow on this three-inch piece of weathered cardboard,
but what better way to tell a loved one "I'll gladly starve to
make your inner child happy"?