➤ Much like weekend brunch and Mother’s Day, Feb. 14 is one of those goin’-out-to-eat occasions embraced by the general public and generally lamented by those in the service industry. Valentine’s Day is much like another amateur-hour dining evening, New Year’s Eve: While customers are sipping something sparkling in a moodily lit room, chances are that the folks shucking the oysters and serving that chocolate mousse for two — well, let’s just say there’s not a whole lot of love in the air.

Having worked in restaurants more than a few Valentine’s Days, where I witnessed everything from rejected engagement proposals to scandalous bathroom breaks, I thought I’d ask some of our favorite front- and back-of-the-house folks for their most memorable (read: funny/heartbreaking/hilarious) V-Day memories.

Although staring at Warren Zevon’s glasses doesn’t sounds like the most romantic way to spend an evening, the Hard Rock Cafe apparently does some serious V-Day traffic. A onetime Hard Rock server (who has since moved on to far more elegant pastures) recalled one Valentine’s Day when the kitchen ran out of steaks, ketchup, frozen fries and burger buns, resulting in what was “arguably, one of the worst days of my life.”

But running out of a few menu items pales in comparison to an encounter that very easily could have turned into a modern-day St. Valentine’s Day Massacre. Two businessmen waddled into a calm, couple-filled restaurant; according to our source, these dudes had done some serious pre-gaming and were more than a few Car Bombs in. They proceeded to butt into neighboring tables’ intimate conversations and went as far as to physically harass female staff members before being asked to leave. (There’s been some speculation that these two convene on a yearly basis to play Valentine bullies.)
So, what happens after that final creme brulee has been torched and the last canoodling couple has left the building? Well, then it’s time for all of the sous chefs, line cooks, servers and dishwashers to celebrate. One former line cook shared a story of a late-night Valentine’s Day meal for two with the most romantic of intentions: filet mignon lifted from the walk-in, served surf-and-turf style with lobster and vodka-spiked Hollandaise.

(caroline@citypaper.net)