Man: Waiter, there's a fly in my soup.
Waiter : Yes, I know — I put it there. I did it because on your way in, you dropped your iPod and I picked it up, and, well, I just can't believe the shit that's on there. Adele? Are you fuckin' kidding me? Look: I'm sorry you had a bad breakup in 10th grade, but listening to the official Helen Reddy of the 21st century isn't going to make things any better. She & Him? Really? She and fuckin' Him? For shit's sake, those two make Matt and Kim sound like Norwegian black metal.
But the main reason I put that fly, and perhaps a small amount of urine, in your soup is that there appears to be not single track from Zola Jesus' latest CD, Conatus — which, although I am merely a waiter, I feel compelled to point out was released on Sacred Bones Records — on your iPod.
Perhaps you were unaware that Zola Jesus isn't a person, but a project spearheaded by Wisconsin-born/Russia-descended singer-songwriter Nika Danilova. Perhaps you were also unaware that the songs on Conatus are a hypnotic blend of Ms. Danilova's amazing, ethereal vocals and the sort of stripped-down synth lines and sparse rhythms that would feel at home on a vintage Psychic TV track.
Or perhaps you're just a douche with a dead fly and some piss in his soup.
Verdict: You heard the waiter. Buy Conatus, or plan on eating all your meals at home.
