[0] Mayor Nutter was reportedly caught on video slapping the butt of a woman he drank and bowled with at North Bowl last summer, but he convinced Fox 29 not to air it. "We... we can't air it. Destroy the video. Destroy it!" the stunned station manager said after his closed-door meeting with Nutter. "The mayor's got dirt on all of us. Jerrick and Jennaphr and — dear God, Schratwieser, the file he has on you alone would ruin this station. And you, Sue Serio. I mean, those were people. They were people. And you didn't give one tiny shit. You just mowed them down. Moms, dads, kids, all of them. It's horrible. You are horrible."

[-5] Three dogs and nine puppies are rescued from a suspected dogfighting operation in Kensington. Officers described the scene as one-fourth terrifying, three-fourths precious.

[0] The Parking Authority's new budget forecasts raising $50 million for the city, thanks to the increase in meter rates. Wow, that's like free money, except we're still paying it! Thanks, PPA. We forgive you guys for being the worst drivers and parkers in the city whose reckless, unchecked behavior and corrupt bureaucracy are a danger and embarrassment to us all.

[-3] A local millionaire is fined $100,000 for stealing a mammoth tusk from an Alaskan wildlife refuge. "That's right, even thousand-year-old pieces of long-dead wildlife fall under our purview," says park ranger. "Why, we've got a whole preserve set aside just for tusks, where they can run and swim and bask in the sun. ...They mostly bask."

[+3] Fatima "TNT" Maddox, a Temple grad, becomes the first woman to play for the Harlem Globetrotters in 19 years. "Welcome aboard, foxy mama," says starting center Cornell "Popcorn Shrimp" Reese. "We've got one funky-ass winning streak going."

[+3] Mayor Nutter is trying to lure a 1,000-room hotel to the Convention Center area. By slapping its butt and doing a rendition of "Rapper's Delight." "It's all I know," he shrugs.

[-10] Jan Berenstain, co-creator of the Berenstain Bears and a Philly native, passes away.

This week's total: -12 | Last week's total: -6