[+2] Mayor Nutter vows to go after people who owe the city property taxes, saying, “We’re going to chase their little asses down as hard as possible.” Big-butted tax scofflaws breathe a sigh of relief.

[+1] Nutter’s new plan calls for the city to hire 55 people and spend $40 million to pursue the half-billion dollars owed to the city in back taxes. “We’re gonna bill their tiny heinies good!” says Nutter.

[-2] The first episode of the Philly-set Do No Harm earned the worst ratings ever for a scripted show on a major network. Maybe we do no wanna watch a show with a typo in the title.

[+1] Reporters from NewsWorks contact Bart Blatstein about unpaid taxes on a property in the Piazza, and he promptly pays up. Then an Inky reporter follows him to a restaurant and is, like, “You tipped only 16 percent,” so Blatstein throws in another dollar. Later, somebody from the Metro reminds Blatstein to bring his own bags when he goes grocery shopping. And just yesterday, a PhillyMag intern was dispatched to make sure Blatstein was properly bundled up for the weather.

[+1] The “More Park, Less Way” plan will aim to improve the Parkway’s green spaces and eliminate parking on Eakins Oval. It should also plan on having to explain its name all the time. 

[+1] District Attorney Seth Williams publicly asks Mark Zuckerberg to take down a Facebook page allegedly used by a Philadelphia man to call for the killing of a witness in an illegal-gun-purchasing case. Zuckerberg quietly takes Williams off the grid forever. 

[+2] In an advice column for Philly.com, former Flyers goaltender Bernie Parent encourages readers to embrace their inner wolves and “stay horny.” In column two, he reveals his trick for drinking beer with his penis. 

[0] Newsroom employees at the Inquirer and Daily News agree to pay cuts in exchange for a promise of job security. And free scratchy lottery tickets. And semi-annual fiddle contests against the Devil. 

This week’s total: +6  |  Last week’s total: -21