Calendar Boy: Push, breathe, push, breathe, God damn it, breathe. It's a tender gesture — albeit a futile one. After nearly 25 minutes, Barton's hamstrings tremble under the strain. Snap, snap, snap — lights flash everywhere. Then, silence. "OK, thank you! That's a wrap!"
Absolutely Fabio: She watches Fabio scoop a woman off the ground and flash a sparkler for a row of cameraphones. She squints. Do her eyes deceive her? A nearby butler whispers, "He can do that to you, you know."
The Hot List: What makes a Phila-delphian sexy? Is it power? Money? Fame? Heroin-boy-skinny, razor-blade hip bones?
Return to Fantasy Island: Mystery menage at a no-tell motel. Extreme submission. Cubicle cuckolding. Rape ... and that's just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to Philadelphians' wildest sexual fantasies.
Fantasy Island: Robby, a 26-year-old lighting designer, vaguely pinpoints his fantasy as having something to do with "corsets and trapeze acts." More specifically, a redhead dressed in a corseted Strawberry Shortcake costume kicking it on a sex swing.
Portrait of a Lady: My first exposure to cross-dressers was the granny-wigged Robin Williams in Mrs. Doubtfire, followed by Aerosmith's "Dude Looks Like A Lady."
Sticky Business: I'm getting it from everyone. My boyfriend. My co-workers. My interns. My
mother.
Strange Bedfellows: "Does
nothing weird you out?" I get this question so often, I'm starting to think I'm either: a) seriously deviant, b) too understanding, or c) friends with the wrong people.
Bite Me: There are vampires among us.
Art School Confidential: I say college; you say kegger. I say naked; you say co-ed. It's no wonder university sex rags can't get no respect.
Mom & Pop Sex Shop, Pt. IV: "Hello, 1-900-Sex-Line." This is how my father picks up the phone these days — at least when he knows it's me.
Cradle of Love: When Miguel (not his real name), a 24-year-old graphic designer living and working in Montgomery County, has a rotten day at the office, he likes to go home, peel off his work clothes and slip on an adult incontinence diaper.
Prairie Bone Companion: A few weeks ago, I received a letter so enthusiastically sincere, I couldn't ignore it. Handwritten on ruled legal paper, it was signed simply, "Escort-Illiterate Eddie."
The Dirty Parts: Twenty-five years ago, I was but a mere zygote in my mama's belly. Had I known what fun
City Paper was having, I might've popped out sooner.
Mood Music: In the wake of the latest iPod upgrade, a new sex toy has the blogosphere abuzz.
The Gag Reflex: Five inches, maybe six. Seven max. That's how deep my throat goes.
In The Event That
: "Place Holdings" Runs through Oct. 1, Third Street Gallery, 58 N. Second St., 215-625-0993, www.confess2.us Michael Sebright wanted to know
Just Do It: Sun., Sept. 17, 7:30 p.m., $20-$25, live satellite broadcast from NYC's 92nd St. Y, Gershman Y, 401 S. Broad St.,
Accidental Tourist: Fri., Sept. 15, 6:30-8 p.m., free, Voices & Visions, The Bourse, lower level, Fourth and Ranstead sts., 215-625-4740 Ayun Halliday
Just Do It: ArtSalad lecture by James Mundie, Wed., Oct. 18, 11 a.m.-noon, exhibit runs Sept. 8-Oct. 22, $3-$5, children under 12 free,
Last Chance: Dreaming in Black and White Dumpster Divers: The Secret Garden of a Fertile Mind Runs through Sept. 15, Journey Home
Last Chance: Group Show Runs through Sept. 9, Gallery 13W, 4504 Regent St., 267-312-1426 This little gallery in Jon Stivers' West Philly
Coveting Thy Neighbors: Miami. Vegas. L.A. New York. Philly? In the highly subjective pantheon of America's hottest cities, ours sticks out like the fat girl at a debutante ball.
Day Tripper: Funk Master Flex Custom Car and Bike Show, Sat., Sept. 9, noon-8 p.m., $25-$30, Atlantic City Convention Center, 1 Miss
On The DL: Fri., Sept. 8, 6 p.m., White Couch, 933 S. 13th St., www.artatsophi.com Isn't it funny how people get together? I
Just Do It: Runs Sept. 9-Nov. 19, $8, Brandywine River Museum, U.S. Route 1, Chadds Ford, Pa., 610-388-2700, www.brandywinemuseum.org Andy Warhol. Jean-Michel Basquiat.
In The Event That...: Negative Exposure Opening reception Fri., Sept. 1, 6-10 p.m., runs through Sept. 29, Trinity Art Gallery, 158 N. Third St.,
Last Chance: Festival of Fountains Runs through Sept. 2, $2-$14, Longwood Gardens, U.S. Route 1, Kennett Square, 610-388-1000 Thousands of illuminated waterspouts
On The DL: Runs Sept. 1-30, reception Fri., Sept. 15, 5:30-8 p.m., free, Crane Arts Building, 1400 N. American St., 215-592-1310, www.cranearts.com As
Just Do It: Runs Sept. 2-30, opening reception Fri., Sept. 8, 6-8 p.m., Falling Cow Gallery, 732 S. Fourth St., 215-627-4625, www.fallingcow.org After
On The DL: Fri., Aug. 25, 10 p.m.-1 a.m., free, The Mansion, 21 S. 19th St., www.rahcrawford.com What's scarier than a chainsaw-wielding Rah
In The Event That..: Vegetarian potluck and open discussion with author Peter Singer, Wed., Aug. 30, 7 p.m., Chester County Book & Music Company,
Just Do It: Sat., Aug. 26, 7 p.m., $5 donation, The Cinema, 3925 Walnut St., 215-387-1911, www.bigartshow.com Laboring under the "artist collective" banner,
Pimp This Ride: When you write about blowjobs and buttfucking every week, little in the sex arena actually excites you.